WASHINGTON—Amid shocking materials that include a photo in which the word ‘HELP’ has been spelled out with rocks, seaweed, and several stuffed animals, a newly released tranche of Epstein files revealed Friday that Deepak Chopra was still lost on the private island of Little St. James. “From what we can gather, Chopra has been deliriously wandering the now largely uninhabited Epstein Island for years, crying out for food and forbidden eros,” said independent analyst Gina Mosley, adding that the alternative medicine guru had sent hundreds of urgent emails pleading for rescue and the sweetest sensual delights, and most recently had been seen looking sunburned and emaciated as he loaded a flare gun atop a large nude statue of the Greek deity Zeus. “He’s even kept a kind of video journal where he vacillates between saying tearful goodbyes to his family, friends, and fans, and striking a more hopeful tone on the off chance a 13-year-old is still on the island.” Despite the extensive new disclosures, sources told reporters that there are currently no plans to bring Chopra home.

The post Epstein Files Reveal Deepak Chopra Still Lost On Little St. James appeared first on The Onion.

COLUMBUS, OH—Speaking with an unflagging sense of hope despite the long, challenging road ahead of him, prosthetic hand recipient James Bratton told reporters Friday he was slowly learning to lick barbecue sauce off his fingers again. “I’m still getting the hang of moving my sauce-covered hand to my extended tongue, but once I struggled past the pain, I was able to suck a full dollop of Sweet Baby Ray’s off my pinky yesterday,” said Bratton, who thanked his wife and children for cheering him on every time he tried to slurp a bit of extra hickory flavor from his new silicone fingers and credited his nurses with helping him dunk his prosthetic hand in a bowl of barbecue sauce for extra licking practice. “I mean, right after the surgery, I had to rely on [my wife] Jessica to lick all the barbecue sauce off my new hand, which was, of course, very humbling. But I couldn’t be more pleased with my progress, especially after doctors warned that I might have to spend the rest of my life removing all condiments, pizza grease, and french-fry residues from my fingers with a napkin.” At press time, Bratton had asked reporters to excuse him as a physical therapist had wheeled a big platter of ribs into his hospital room.

The post Prosthetic Hand Recipient Slowly Relearning To Lick Barbecue Sauce Off Fingers appeared first on The Onion.

Jelly Roll, the artist behind songs “Son Of A Sinner” and “Save Me,” has announced a 2026 tour. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the singer.

Birthplace: Walmart bathroom

Legal Name: Davidson County Inmate No. 248323

Genre: Country for people who don’t like music

Easily Identifiable By: Tattoo-shaped birthmarks on face

Common Lyrical Themes: Faith, Ozempic side effects

Vocal Style: Energy drink burp

Often Confused With: Michael Bublé

Pardoned By Tennessee Governor For: Cheating on wife

Grammy Wins: Somehow

Current Project: Writing next James Bond theme

The post Artist Profile: Jelly Roll appeared first on The Onion.

NEW YORK—Doing everything within her power to ensure the big day would be absolutely perfect, pop superstar Taylor Swift paid off a bride who had booked the maid of honor she wanted, sources confirmed Friday. “I just really had my heart set on Lindsey,” said the multiplatinum recording artist who reportedly made a cash offer of $25,000 to convince the local bride to give up her best friend and sorority sister on Swift’s chosen wedding date. “I’m not trying to pressure you into anything, and ultimately the choice is yours. But if you do choose to accept, then I hope this can pay for a great honeymoon for you and a serviceable replacement maid of honor. Travis and I just think Lindsey would be ideal for a summer wedding in Newport. She’ll look beautiful in the pictures, especially with the flowers I have planned.” At press time, Swift had reportedly offered to lend the bride Sophie Turner.

The post Taylor Swift Pays Off Bride Who Booked Maid Of Honor She Wanted appeared first on The Onion.

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There may be a bias toward Protestantism here, but being Catholic has its perks, too (reportedly). A delegation from The Babylon Bee flew out to Rome to meet with the College of Cardinals to find out the best reasons to be Catholic.

CHAPPAQUA, NY — While being questioned at the Chappaqua Performing Arts Center on Thursday, Hillary Clinton reportedly informed the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform that she only recalled meeting Jeffrey Epstein that one time when she murdered him.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former president and saxophone player Bill Clinton testified to members of Congress today that his answer to their questions depended on what the definition of "child trafficking" is.

U.S. — Tesla announced on Friday that it had entered an agreement to create a joint venture with Little Tikes to bring Full Self-Driving to the Cozy Coupe.

ST. GEORGE, UT — Local dad Sam Weaver struck a fatal blow against his teenage daughter's obsession with TikTok on Thursday by joining it himself, therefore rendering it uncool.

Wow! This is sibling rivalry at its finest.

As if it wasn’t enough that immigrants come to this country ILLEGALLY or in some disturbing cases LEGALLY looking to drink our water, marry our cousins, and crowd our self check-outs, there’s something amiss that would make any red-blooded patriot’s blood BOIL: This immigrant working forced labor in an ICE detention center is robbing a US-born convict of his 13-cent-an-hour job.

What?! How does something like this happen in AMERICA??

When 37-year-old Honduran immigrant José Rivera Gomez was detained by ICE and forced into a crowded makeshift detention center at an undisclosed location in Florida, the first thing he did was the thing all immigrants do best: He immediately took an extremely low-paying job away from an American citizen by working at his prison’s park bench factory. By working 12 hours a day for 13 cents an hour in inhospitable, unsafe conditions, he’s robbing a hardworking AMERICAN convict of much needed funds he could use to purchase $12 toothpaste and $15 chocolate bars at commissary. 

If you’ve ever wondered why the prison economy of gangs such as the Aryan Brotherhood is collapsing, look no further than immigrants like José taking away dozens of dollars a month from RED-BLOODED, AMERICAN convicts who not only were actually BORN in this country, but actually stepped up and committed actual CRIMES to be incarcerated and coerced into forced labor, not just “overstayed their work visas.”

Yep. This is DISGUSTING with a capital D!

Hopefully José will accidentally hack off his hands while polishing a park bench using unsafe equipment soon so his STOLEN job and PALTRY WAGES can be given to a REAL American who needs money for a razor or a bar of soap. Until then, SHAME on this country for letting this happen.

Forget everything you knew about the restaurant experience, because the game has officially changed: This cafe modeled their payment system after healthcare billing so chefs, waiters, and dishwashers can invoice you separately for completely random amounts weeks to months later.

Whoa…how has no one ever thought to do this before? Going out to eat will never be the same!

Lucy’s Luncheonette isn’t just a beloved staple of downtown Fayetteville, NC: it’s the future of how restaurants bill customers. At Lucy’s, instead of flagging down a waiter to settle your bill before leaving, you’ll receive separate invoices from every employee who took part in your meal experience—including but not limited to chefs, waiters, busboys, dishwashers, and hostesses. These invoices will come in the mail at some unspecified point in the following six months, or possibly later, requesting arbitrary amounts of money that were not disclosed up-front for services itemized either as vaguely named items like “Misc. Carbohydrate,” or numeric codes with no description. 

If you ordered a sandwich and coffee at any other cafe, you’d settle the entire bill with a server before leaving, and never think about it again. At Lucy’s, you’ll receive that server’s invoice in the mail three weeks later, with a line item for refilling your water listed as “Oral Hydration Replenishment Procedure – $32.09”, among a dozen other charges. Cut to four months later, and you’ll receive another invoice from the line cook for services including cooking chicken (“Protein Thermal Processing Treatment – $6.22”) and chopping lettuce (“Vegetative Component Structural Reduction – $3.34), and so on and so forth, until the restaurant’s wait and kitchen staff have all individually charged you for every distinct action they undertook during your dining experience, from clearing your table to giving you a new napkin, that they can legally bill for.

Lucy’s unique payment system is the brainchild of its owner, William Dumas, who left a career in medical claims processing to open the cafe, inspired by what he saw working in the U.S. healthcare system.

“Knowing generally what the service is going to cost ahead of time, and paying one straightforward bill on the spot instead of numerous invoices sent sporadically over time—that wouldn’t fly in healthcare like it does in the restaurant business,” explained Dumas, who had the idea for his luncheonette’s pay model after sending a cancer patient’s unpaid bill to collections, and imagining a busboy being able to do the same to a restaurant customer. 

“I thought, ‘what if you took the drawn out, over-complicated process of medical billing, and applied it to going out for a meal?’ It’s been a very validating experience, watching our customers find themselves in credit score-tanking restaurant debt after failing to pay a thousand dollar invoice that a hostess sent them for reasons that hours and hours on the phone with our management do not help clarify whatsoever.”

Needless to say, the dining experience is about to be revolutionized in a huge, huge way.

Don’t be surprised if the entire food industry adopts this cafe’s healthcare-inspired pay model soon, from fine dining establishments to coffee shops. Props to Lucy’s Luncheonette for daring to think outside the box!

Nobody wants to wait days, or even weeks, for a package. But somehow, this situation is even more disconcerting: Your Amazon package just came way too fast.

What a deeply unsettling occurrence.

Despite the fact that you placed the order last night at two in the morning, somehow, by the time you woke up, the package was already on your porch. Although you needed your shampoo soon—you probably have one, maybe two showers left with your current bottle—you didn’t need it this soon. For it to have arrived this quickly is, frankly, concerning. Someone worked through the night to make sure you had shampoo at your front door by the break of dawn. Yes, you—you, who definitely could have just gone to the store for it, but instead had everyone running around like this was a rapid-fire organ delivery for a lifesaving transplant.

Yikes. These are not the things you want to think about, and these are not the type of things you’d have to think about had your shampoo just arrived in a normal-to-fast timeframe of 24 to 48 hours.

But instead, the swift arrival of your package prompts so many questions. Where did the shampoo come from? Did it come the next block over, or was it overnighted on a plane in a deeply un-environmentally-conscious way? How much were the people delivering it paid? Are they being treated fairly? Where do they live? Where do they work? WHERE DID THE SHAMPOO COME FROM? Is it from a store? Is it from a warehouse? Literally how does Amazon even work?! You just wanted shampoo a dollar cheaper than it is at the drugstore! You didn’t mean for anyone to die for it!!!! Was that so much to ask?!

Woof. This is rough. Here’s hoping it never, ever happens again, because the implications are way too complicated to reckon with.

WASHINGTON — During his annual State of the Union address to Congress on Wednesday, President Donald Trump promised Americans that he would carry out the “largest quagmire operation in U.S. history” following the launch of a war against Iran.

“We will have a big, beautiful, never-ending war,” Trump said. “It will be the longest and largest ever. Nobody has ever done quagmire like we’re going to do quagmire. The generals tell me that.”

The campaign, tentatively titled Operation War Like Nobody’s Ever Seen, will reportedly combine a massive air assault, multi-division ground invasion, and an undefined end state described by officials as “winning eventually.”

Pentagon planners confirmed the operation would resemble the early stages of the war in Afghanistan but would be “far more tremendous” and “substantially less thought through.”

“We have so many planes, ships, and troops in the region right now,” Trump said. “Nobody’s ever seen anything like it. It’s incredible. And this time, we’re staying.”

Defense officials clarified that “staying” means maintaining an indefinite troop presence until Iran becomes “a stable democracy, a friendly oil partner, or both.”

“Our models suggest a modest commitment of 140,000 troops for roughly a generation,” said Dr. Meredith Klein, an analyst with the RAND Corporation. “The key variable is whether Iran resists. If they don’t, we could be out in under 25 years.”

Senior planners acknowledged privately that the operation has no clear political objective but stressed that objectives can always be defined retroactively.

CREECH AIR FORCE BASE, Nev. — America’s technological leapfrog into drone dominance stalled this week after the cyan ink in the OEM-compatible tank of an Epson Workforce NCC-1701-D ran low, sources confirmed today.

All efforts to build and deploy small, lethal drones for America’s battlefield advantage have been placed on hold until Darrell, a GS-12 IT specialist currently on leave, returns to work and determines why fault code 093-401 is appearing at every launch, despite the cartridge being brand freaking new.

Maj. Trent “Independence” Bunker, a recent graduate of the Air Force’s Artificial Intelligence Top Gun program, insisted nothing in the XQ-58 system should even interface with a printer.

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — The Department of War has launched a formal review of tuition assistance programs that send service members to Harvard and other Ivy League schools after confirming that Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is a product of one.

The revelation has reportedly triggered a Department of War review of tuition assistance programs that send officers to “elite universities” instead of “places that teach useful skills like conquering islands.”

“If Hegseth is the standard Harvard graduate, we definitely need to cut ties,” said Gen. John Worden, Commander of Military Education. “The last thing we need are more people who confuse cable news monologues with strategy.”

“He’s a total moron who thinks the entire world is biased against him,” Worden continued. “He can’t handle criticism and refuses to consider he’s wrong. I can’t tell if it’s an act or if he’s genuinely incapable of introspection. He’s running the Pentagon into the ground and it will take years to repair the damage. If this is Harvard’s warrior output, we might as well redirect tuition assistance to Phoenix Online or a CrossFit Level II certification.”

The Pentagon’s internal review reportedly focuses on whether sending officers to top universities leads to “intellectual contamination,” including exposure to concepts such as nuance, diplomacy, or reading.

“We are concerned that institutions like Harvard may be teaching future leaders to ask questions,” said one senior defense official. “That is not traditionally how the Department of War functions.”

Harvard officials appeared stunned by the criticism.

“We don’t know how he got in or managed to graduate,” said Alice Sullivan, Director of Public Relations. “We pride ourselves on producing competent policymakers. At least when our alumni destabilize regions, they can articulate why.”

She added, “We have already convened an emergency faculty review panel titled ‘How Did This Happen?’”

When reached for comment, Hegseth defended both his education and his leadership.

FORT RUCKER, Ala. — Several dozen U.S. service members have complained to members of Congress and the Pentagon Inspector General in recent weeks after being forced to watch the ‘Melania’ documentary during Survival, Escape, Resistance, and Evasion (SERE) training, sources confirmed today.

SERE School, which prepares high-risk personnel to withstand isolation, captivity, and torture, has long subjected students to sleep deprivation, stress positions, and simulated interrogations. The addition of the film, however, has raised concerns that trainees may suffer permanent psychological damage.

“It’s not just wretched. It’s offensive to the collective intelligence of the human race,” said one soldier serving in Army Special Forces. “I felt like the guy strapped to the chair in A Clockwork Orange, except instead of Beethoven it was an hour and a half of vacant narration about tasteful drapery.”

According to senior defense officials, use of the film was added to the curriculum shortly after its release.

“Look, we could smack them around, disorient them, deprive them of sleep,” said Sgt. 1st Class Neil Curry, a SERE instructor. “But we want them to understand their breaking point. And this gets them there in under seven minutes.”

Indeed, one Air Force pilot attempted to gouge out her own eyes before instructors intervened. “If this is what the PRC could do to me, I don’t want to fly,” she said.

Curry noted that nearly 80% of students exposed to the documentary began divulging highly classified information before the opening credits finished scrolling.

“Some cracked during the establishing shots,” Curry said. “One SEAL even confessed to things he hasn’t done yet. Now we’re investigating several hypothetical war crimes.”

Another recent graduate described the experience as uniquely harrowing.

“Before they chained us into the theater, a lot of guys were joking that it was just propaganda, no big deal,” he said. “But propaganda has a message. This was just vibes and soft lighting.”

He added, “I’d take a mock execution or Chinese water torture over this any day. At least water torture builds character.”

Although many SERE cadre have praised the film’s effectiveness, school medical staff report that even some instructors are deteriorating.

“Now all Sergeant Kowalski does is lie on his rack and cry, muttering ‘The horror’ over and over,” said Spc. Aldo Hernandez. “It turns out there’s only so many times a man can watch that 90-minute abomination before it annuls his soul.”

In response, SERE officials have attempted to boost morale by staging dramatic rescues after each viewing, with cadre bursting into the theater as U.S. forces to “liberate” students. During the most recent cycle, several trainees reportedly broke down in tears while singing the national anthem.

At press time, SERE officials were considering adding a director’s commentary track to further enhance resistance training outcomes, pending legal review under the Geneva Conventions.

WASHINGTON — Sergeant Major of the Army Michael Weimer announced a new initiative this week called “I Hate Soldiers,” a service-wide effort focused on maximizing pointless training hours, micromanagement, and quiet resentment, sources confirmed today.

“For the past couple years I’ve been dropping hints about my plans for the Army’s enlisted population, but the troopers don’t seem to have gotten the message,” Weimer said. “So my hope is that this new program delivers it loud and clear: I hate them. I fucking hate them.”

According to Weimer, the initiative is designed to reduce individual warfighting capability while dramatically increasing hatred of daily service.

“The first plank in my platform to make the average trooper’s life a miserable fucking hell is the Big Blue Book of Discipline and Other Fucktardery,” Weimer explained. “Sure, I promised in the past it would be an app easily accessible on the personal electronic device every soldier already carries in their pocket. But one morning, while drinking from my water bottle filled with the tears of specialists whose motivation I personally crushed, I realized that made too much sense.”

Following this epiphany, Weimer ordered the Blue Book team to pivot from software development to poor production quality and aggressively shitty writing. The result was a 23-page spiral-bound booklet filled with vague euphemisms, typos, and contradictions, proudly unveiled at AUSA 2024.

“From the senior enlisted perspective, this is far superior to an app,” Weimer said. “Errors in an app can be fixed. Errors in print are eternal and can be weaponized daily by barely literate CSMs to remind junior soldiers how much we despise them.”

Weimer highlighted the book’s fragility as a feature, not a bug.

“Troopers are required to carry this piece of shit on their person at all times,” he said. “Its thin paper and weak binding ensure it will self-destruct in days, giving brigade E9s ample opportunity to crush soldiers for either damaging it or sensibly leaving it behind in favor of things like phones — the same phones we use to text them at 0400 asking why they aren’t in formation while also dropping their kids at childcare two hours away.”

Typos were also described as a deliberate disciplinary tool.

“I can ask a trooper when America fought Spain and they’re fucked either way,” Weimer said. “If they say 1898, I tell them it’s wrong according to the Blue Book and put them on Thanksgiving duty. If they say 1989, I cancel their leave to attend the funeral of their leukemia-ridden sister. Heads I win, tails they lose. God, I hate them.”

PORNOGRAPHY is often criticised as if it has zero artistic value. If you’re a connoisseur, here’s how to talk about it as if you’re a serious cineaste: 

“A knowing homage to Debbie Does Dallas”

The handheld, shaky camerawork is a nod in the direction of the 1978 pseudo-documentary which forever changed the genre, showing the director is well aware of but not in thrall to his influences. Another reference is the cheerleader outfit, which in a wink to the past is worn without panties.

“Excellent use of Dutch angles”

To the uninitiated, it seems as if a GoPro has slipped off a pillow. However, the tilted Dutch angle is in fact a deliberate artistic choice, representing the disorientation and off-kilter energy of sexual arousal, a tension that will soon be released. Well, in about 18 minutes.

“The MacGuffin is incredibly clever”

With hindsight, it becomes apparent that the broken washing machine isn’t really important. The conceit is simply a mechanism for getting the well-endowed repair man into the lady’s flat and, ultimately, into her knickers. It’s an incredibly clever MacGuffin which represents economical storytelling as tautly as the French New Wave.

“The colour palette reflects the core themes”

The ignorant dismiss the harsh lighting as poor filmmaking. But the bright colour palette reflects one of the core themes of the piece. Those white sheets and pale bodies tell us that sex is the purest form of human activity. There’s a vulnerability, an innocence, to actors doing anal to pay the rent.

“The hyperrealistic sex scenes deliberately evoke a dreamlike state”

Absurdly large penises and breasts combine with extreme close-ups to create a fantastical, dreamlike atmosphere. It’s all incredibly detailed and yet somehow lacks a fundamental truth: a hyperreality that blurs the boundaries between authenticity and what Baudrillard called the simulation.

“A feminist masterpiece”

This bukkake short is reminiscent of the 1975 classic Jeanne Dielman, 23 quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles. The static camera, the multiple partners, the fact that the sole female protagonist doesn’t seem to be enjoying it very much. Arguably a feminist masterpiece.

ROYAL Mail bosses are to be called to Parliament to answer for their failure to deliver letters on time, but are we imposing unfair expectations on them? 

William McKay, conveyancer: “Notice how it’s always the privatised businesses who come in for all this criticism. That’s victimisation, pure and simple.”

Wayne Hayes, psychiatric nurse: “I don’t see the issue with only receiving post once a week. In the Kevin Costner film The Postman they get it years late, and that was a post-apocalyptic society just like ours.”

Joanna Kramer, full-time mother: “Postmen used to have time to give you a good seeing to over the kitchen table. Now I barely have time to toss him off at the door.”

Jordan Gardner, tanning salon manager: “Royal Mail have blamed weather and illness for the problem. Well those are both new things which have never happened before so give them a break.”

Helen Archer, camgirl: “It’s all junk mail anyway! By which I mean I correspond with multiple older gentlemen who post me regular dick pics.”

THAT night of slippery anal the two of you haven’t discussed since? Shared over brunch, complete with hand gestures. Here’s how to acknowledge that: 

Take pride in your achievements

Why are you embarrassed? You are now one of the great lovers of history, whose sweaty achievements are spoken of with hushed awe in Pret. Like Casanova, Cleopatra or Jacob Rees-Mogg, your prodigious shagging is the sort of feat that would’ve once kept medieval minstrels in business. Except now it’s your girlfriend’s mate Nat who’ll be recounting your tale through various group chats.

She was there first

Long before your first kiss with your beloved, your girlfriend’s best mate heard about your Hinge opener and gave a second opinion on your haircut. You’re only together because this woman approved them, like a chaperone of the Regency period. By listening to stories of your prowess, she’s keeping her role as your girlfriend’s guide through the bewildering gauntlet of modern love.

Fantasise

Pretend you’re living in a letter to Penthouse. You never thought your girlfriend’s mate fancied you. But then she heard tell of how you provided nine minutes of sustained cunnilingus, and now she’s queueing up to sample the goods next to your obliging partner. Have fun imagining how this would play out, while remembering to never, ever tell your girlfriend of this specific fantasy.

Accept things were already awkward

You can only be so close to your girlfriend’s best friend. While she might not acknowledge it, she’s always going to resent you for stealing her pal away from her. So what if stories of your sexual prowess drive a further wedge between the two of you? Don’t worry, she’s only holding onto them to weaponise for when you split.

See if it works two ways

If your girlfriend’s mate is being told all of the sordid details of your sex life, then it’s only fair that you learn about who she’s f**king and how. Open with an easy question, like ‘So does Sonya swallow?’ If your girlfriend is repulsed at your asking and this leads to a relationship-ending argument, at least your paranoia about what’s she’s saying about how you shag will be a moot point.

THE Green Party monsters currently threatening the country wants to sadistically improve your quality of life, we can reveal. 

Not content with ousting Labour from their bastion of Gorton and Denton, the toxic Green Party wants to upend Britain’s democracy even further by meeting the needs of its constituents with a manifesto based on sustainable living.

Political analyst Denys Finch Hatton said: “They want to look after the most vulnerable members of society and improve the environment. It’s absolutely sickening.

“What about all of the fossil fuel billionaires who will be brutally crushed under their vegan leather jackboots? No, the Green Party’s dastardly policies seem quite content to leave these poor, innocent souls to perish.

“It’s almost like they don’t care about this country’s proud tradition of steadily getting shitter and shitter, a tradition the two-party system proudly upholds. If they have their cruel way then the planet will never become an inhospitable rock and our children will have to grow up without microplastics in their bloodstreams.

“It’s up to the public to band together and vote strategically from here on out. It’s the only way to ensure that the country becomes even more hostile and divided, which is what all true patriots should want.”

MP for Gorton and Denton Hannah Spencer cackled: “We want to build 150,000 social homes a year and achieve net-zero by 2040! And there’s nothing you can do to stop us!”

RFK Jr. is known for many things: his grating voice, his extramarital affairs, his brain worms. Now we know him as an action figure. Unfortunately for the United States, none of those things apply to his day job as head of the Department of Health and Human Services and the country continues to circle the […]

The post RFK Jr posted a spoof commercial for his very own action figure and self-awareness must be sold separately appeared first on The Poke.

Magas took their first step towards getting to the center of any wrongdoing exposed in the Epstein Files and they are looking in some very unusual places. For starters, the first person they decided to drag in for 6-hours of questions was Hillary Clinton, who didn’t even know Jeffrey Epstein. Republicans refused to make the […]

The post Hillary Clinton revealed exactly how pointless the questions were at her Epstein deposition and it was truly out of this world appeared first on The Poke.

Donald Trump’s biggest crush visited the White House again and the results were just as startling as the first time. NYC Mayor, Zohran Mamdani, proud Socialist, met with the President in his office to discuss a potential housing project in New York City. New York is seeking to secure $21 billion in federal grants for […]

The post New York mayor Zohran Mamdani just totally played Donald Trump and all it took was a fake newspaper singing his praises appeared first on The Poke.

Spare a thought – only kidding – for the good people of GB News, who presumably had the cider on ice for Thursday night’s be-election only for their man Matt Goodwin to go down fighting, sorry, crying to the Green party’s Hannah Spencer. And it’s fair to say Nigel Farage’s news channel wasn’t taking it […]

The post GB News took Reform UK’s by-election defeat just as well as you’d imagine and they should make this available on prescription appeared first on The Poke.

Donald Trump, JD Vance, and the rest of the current White House administration rode into town on a wave of momentum. It was all based on one thing: anything’s better than Joe Biden. Well, here we are over a year later, and they’re still trying to ride that wave, but it looks like JD Vance […]

The post Fox News called out JD Vance on America’s poor economy and his comeback was as wearisome as it was predictable appeared first on The Poke.