Kristi Noem was fired from her post as Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security and will be replaced by Senator Markwayne Mullin (R-OK), the embattled Noem’s exit following intense public backlash to her handling of Trump’s immigration crackdown and mishandling of department funds. What do you think?

“Never send a dog-killer to do a people-killer’s job.”

Henry Beisert, Seed Packager

---

“A good sadist is never unemployed for long.”

Luke Norman, Systems Analyst

---

“Man, you can do everything wrong, and Trump still might fire you.”

Kathy Hobbs, Feud Mediator

The post Kristi Noem Fired As DHS Secretary appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Characterizing her new role in the middle of an Iowa corn field as a better fit for her skill set, the White House announced Friday that former Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem had been reassigned as a scarecrow at the USDA. “While she clearly struggled in her prior position, we realized Kristi still had more than enough ability to serve this presidency by frightening away birds that threaten vulnerable crops,” said White House spokesman Eliot Barnes, adding that the gradual job transition had been in the works for months and explained the increased presence of a pointed burlap hat at public appearances. “We assured her that this new post was merely a lateral move, which helped get her onboard with the idea of wearing a flannel shirt overstuffed with straw and holding her arms stiffly out to the side for hours on end. The first time I saw her mounted on that wooden T-shaped frame, I knew Kristi Noem was an absolute natural at terrifying animals.” At press time, Noem had been abruptly removed from her new post after all the crops in the field withered within seconds of her arrival.

The post Kristi Noem Reassigned To Scarecrow Role At USDA appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Striking a note of optimism as the prospects for a protracted conflict with Iran grew likelier, President Trump on Friday urged Americans to bear in mind that they’ll no longer have to pay their son’s cell phone bill if he dies at war. “You may be grieving at first, but, believe me, you’ll be smiling when you see how much less you’re shelling out every month,” said Trump, adding that parents should bear in mind upon viewing their son’s flag-draped casket that they’ll not only save on their base family plan, but also enjoy lower taxes and fees, a cost reduction that will be reflected on the billing statement immediately following their child’s violent death. “If you’re lucky enough to lose two or more sons in the line of duty, you can really save a bundle. And you also have the option of extending savings to another relative by inviting them to fill the slot in the plan that your son occupied before he was killed. With savings like these, who’s gonna want this war to end?” Trump went on to remind Americans that they can also stop paying thousands in college tuition once their daughter dies receiving an unsanitary illegal abortion.

The post Trump To Americans: ‘You Won’t Have To Pay Your Son’s Cell Phone Bill When He Dies At War’  appeared first on The Onion.

The post Stoic Kristi Noem Bears Firing With Stiff Upper Lip, Chin, Cheeks, Forehead appeared first on The Onion.

Longtime Justice Department employee Timothy Parsons, a legal staffer in the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Washington, D.C., was arrested and charged in a child pornography case and is facing federal criminal charges in Maryland. What do you think?

“It’s kind of embarrassing to be a pedophile but not connected to Jeffrey Epstein.”

Francine Burns, Script Distributor

---

“I smell a promotion.”

Joey Bovinett, Lawn Waterer

---

“Just his luck to get busted right before Trump makes it legal.”

Seth Lovestrand, Cost Estimator

The post DOJ Employee Charged In Child Pornography Case appeared first on The Onion.

NEW YORK, NY — After months of mounting concern over her apparent change in viewpoints on geopolitical matters, popular commentator and podcaster Megyn Kelly reportedly went back to normal after eating a Snickers.

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — The United States State Department issued an evacuation order for the U.S. embassy located in downtown Minneapolis on Friday, citing concerns over the safety of American citizens in the area.

U.S. — As the Trump cabinet experienced a significant changing of the guard, new Department of Homeland Security nominee Markwayne Mullin surged in popularity among the American people after vowing to deport liberal white ladies.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With a hard-set face betrayed by tears, President Donald Trump was seen taking Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem out back behind the White House woodshed.

Following his primary loss to Steve Toth, Texas Congressman Dan Crenshaw is now looking for a new career path.

If you were hoping to read some uplifting news today, get ready to smile, because one of Hollywood’s biggest icons has shared an absolutely heartwarming update about their personal life: Whoopi Goldberg just announced that she has received a brand new email.

Congratulations, Whoopi!!! How incredibly exciting that must be for her!

In a video posted to her official Instagram page earlier today, Whoopi Goldberg revealed that she woke up to discover her Gmail inbox had a very exciting notification waiting to be discovered: a completely new, unread email, just for her. The famed EGOT winner and The View host expressed how she felt overwhelmingly grateful for the opportunity to have a new email to read, and that it’s been one of the greatest blessings she’s experienced in life. Not wanting to take the email for granted, Whoopi said that she plans to open it when the time feels right, explaining that “most people wait a lifetime for something as wonderful as a new email, so I want to appreciate every moment of this experience.”

“Receiving a new email seems like something that only happens in the movies—but it’s not the movies, it’s my life, and by the grace of God, I’ve been fortunate enough to have a new email happen to me,” Goldberg continued in the video, wiping away tears of joy as she held up an iPad displaying her Gmail inbox for viewers to see her new email. “Whatever the email says doesn’t matter. I may decide to share that information with you. I may not. Merely receiving it has already changed my life. It’s like I was seeing the world in black-and-white my whole life, and getting this new email finally let me see the world in color for the very first time. For now, all I’ll say is that the email was sent by someone named HelloFresh.” 

“If this experience has taught me anything, it’s that you never know when your Gmail inbox might surprise you with a small miracle such as an email. It happened to me, and it could happen to you too. Never give up hope. In life, when the going gets tough, remember that there are so many reasons to stay optimistic, like email.”

We’re literally ugly crying right now. We couldn’t be happier for Whoopi! Make sure to hop on social media and congratulate Whoopi on her new email today, because, well, this is simply as amazing as it gets. If anyone deserves something as exciting as a new email, it’s Whoopi Goldberg! You go, Whoopi!!!

This is such a huge win for indecisive people. If you haven’t decided whether you want a receipt for gas or not, this gas pump will let you select ‘maybe’ to reflect your uncertainty. We hope this option comes to gas pumps everywhere sometime soon!

Well folks, as if you needed another thing to worry about, here is something very concerning: This bottle of pills in an Asian grocery store just has the word “DIARRHEA” in the Matrix font above a picture of Keanu Reeves in sunglasses. 

Yikes. Who exactly is buying these pills, and…why?

Even a close examination of this highly questionable product found on the shelves of Asia Mart in Cincinnati, Ohio reveals very little useful information about what horrific purpose these pills could be meant for. The poorly printed graphics and low-quality label only make the product seem sketchier, and outside of the word “DIARRHEA” on the front, the only other English on the entire bottle are the words, “The time has came,” on the back next to a picture of the Predator. While there are some additional Asian characters below the English text, five different online translators were unable to recognize what language this could be. And at $16 for 4 giant pills, this definitely isn’t just some run-of-the-mill herbal diarrhea cure. Its packaging seems to imply some sort of diarrhea journey, perhaps one that makes the user feel as if they’ve been sucked into an adventure in a strange, computer-generated alternate reality.

Um yeah, we don’t want to narc on anyone, but we might be calling the health department here. 

Look, people are free to experiment with whatever substances they want as long as they aren’t hurting anyone, but this…this is definitely hurting someone. We feel like we need to buy all of this stuff just to make sure no one else takes it—but who knows if we might be tempted by Keanu’s outstretched hand promising whatever mind-melting diarrhea experience these might offer. There may be no way to keep the world safe from whatever it is these pills do.

A potentially tragic story is currently unfolding that could have a seismic impact on American pop culture if it turns out to be what we think it is: This crime report keeps referring to a victim as John “The Rock” Doe.

While we can’t jump to any conclusions just yet, we’re praying this isn’t what it sounds like.

According to a crime report released this morning by the Los Angeles police department, a hit-and-run victim was admitted to a morgue in Hollywood last night who could only be identified as “a bald, muscular 53-year-old male, 6 feet five inches tall and weighing 260 pounds.” The report says that the deceased victim showed signs of having starred in the films The Tooth Fairy, Black Adam, and The Smashing Machine, but that no further information on his identity was available at this time, and that they were treating him as a John “The Rock” Doe pending further investigation.

Yikes. When you start piecing everything together, you start getting a pretty dire picture of what’s going on here.

“While the victim is currently being referred to as John ‘The Rock’ Doe until we can confirm his identity, officials have advised that the victim would prefer to be referred to simply as John Doe for now so that the public can more easily separate his current acting career from his former career as a professional wrestler,” LAPD Detective Brandon Longshire said in a press conference this morning. “At this time, we’re asking anyone who knows an individual who might have appeared in several films from the Fast And Furious franchise who have gone missing in the last 24 hours to please come forward to smell what this anonymous victim is cooking and hopefully make a positive ID sooner rather than later.”

Absolutely hypothetically devastating. While there’s clearly still a lot that the police don’t know and there are many details yet to be confirmed, we’re not going to sit here and pretend that this situation doesn’t sound pretty bleak. The more we about this John “The Rock” Doe, the more it sounds like the entertainment world is in for some very sad news. Here’s hoping we’re wrong and that this dead body is just some anonymous huge bald guy that nobody cares about!

Wow. This is powerful journalism!

WASHINGTON — Army Chief Warrant Officer 5 Eric Slover was awarded the Medal of Honor during a recent State of the Union address, marking the first time the nation's highest valor award has been issued for a feat so rare that it forced the Pentagon to officially acknowledge that a CW5 can attend a military ceremony on time and in the proper uniform.

While Slover's recent exploits during Operation Absolute Resolve — navigating an MH-47 Chinook through a narrow palace hallway to personally zip-tie Nicolás Maduro — were technically impressive, they were not the primary reason for the decoration. His award citation specifically highlights that Slover is the first CW5 in recorded history to arrive at his own award ceremony at the correct time, in the correct place, and wearing a correct uniform.

The atmosphere in the House chamber was thick with a mix of awe and deep suspicion as Slover walked through the doors five minutes early. Several four-star generals reportedly checked their own pulses, and at least one chaplain began performing an exorcism, believing a skin-walker had assumed the form of a senior aviator.

Lt. Gen. Jonathan Braga, commanding general of the Joint Special Operations Command, appeared visibly shaken by the punctuality.

"I have been in the special operations community for decades and I have seen things that would make a normal man's soul exit his body," Braga said. "I have seen warrants landing on moving trains in the dark, but I have never seen one arrive before the caterers. It's unnatural. It's eerie. Frankly, it's the bravest thing I have ever witnessed."

Slover shattered the paradigm by appearing in a perfectly tailored Army Green Service Uniform with every ribbon aligned to the millimeter and not a single coffee stain in sight. Observers noted that his grooming was so aggressive that his jawline appeared to have its own security clearance and three confirmed kills.

USNS Mercy – The entire crew of the USS Breault has been placed in a medical stand-down after reporting erections lasting more than four hours, sources confirmed today.

"We were doing some … stuff, and then boom. My dick got hard," said Torpedoman's Mate 2nd Class Timmy Jimenez. "It was abnormal, like we finally got to do something we were always thinking about doing, and then it happened. But then my dick just stayed like that."

Being erect on a submarine isn't anything new. In fact, the standard operating procedure for most scenarios involves an erect penis or engorged clitoris. What's abnormal is when it lasts more than four hours, let alone across an entire crew.

"Fifth Fleet is ensuring the safety of our sailors first and foremost," said Vice Adm. Curt Renshaw while his left hand held something in his pocket. "We are fully committed to handling the medical emergency onboard until they can go home to their families."

Mercy’s skipper, Capt. Charles Dickerson, told reporters the erections were “moderately contagious.”

“Prolonged contact with amine and Otto fuel has caused uncontrollable erections among medical staff in contact with the crew,” Dickerson said while holding a clipboard over his belt buckle. “We have to treat sailors in shifts, no longer than 30 minutes per person, to avoid proximity boners.”

Reports from the Mercy’s crew describe the seriousness of the situation. According to Hospital Corpsman 1st Class Peter Johnson, several sailors’ dicks hit the weapons shipping hatch as they departed, which “sounded like an alarm bell going off.” 

Navy officials say the emergency stop came for both practical and humanitarian reasons. Sailors may lose their genitalia if the erections aren’t controlled, but that creates a secondary threat: counter-detection. 

“We found that after a confirmed kill, the collective moaning of the crew is actually detectable on sonar,” said Capt. Richard Ortega, commanding officer of the USS McFaul. “This is completely unprecedented in anti-submarine warfare, since we typically have to resort to active sonar or helicopter sweeps. But you could just stick your head in the water and hear the cries of pleasure. Or the screams of trapped Iranians.”

Several torpedomen aboard the USS Breault have reportedly lost their genitalia due to the crisis. 

“Worth it,” said Torpedoman's Mate 3rd Class Samantha “Sea Bass” Bourne. 

The “coners” — the submariners who do the actual work on the boat — appear to be affected the most. But even the nuclear technicians aft have reported significant erections. 

Engineering Laboratory Technician 1st Class Bill “Mandozer” Mendoza attributed the severity to the historic nature of the event: “They sank a frigate with a fucking erect torpedo for the first time since World War II.”

After being administered cigarettes, Rip-Its, and vapes, the crew is expected to make a full recovery.

WASHINGTON — Following the commencement of renewed U.S. military operations in the Middle East, defense experts lamented that the Pacific was once again not pivoted to.

"It's like no matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, the United States just won't commit to pivoting to us," said Chinese Minister of National Defense Adm. Dong Jun. "I'm starting to think America doesn't care about Great Power Competition at all."

America’s rivals in the Pacific have long sought to attract the U.S. military’s eye. But aside from an occasional National Defense Strategy and a cyber attack or two, the Pacific has consistently played second fiddle to the hotter, more exotic Middle East. 

"I flash my nuclear weapons on a monthly basis, but I can't get so much as an airstrike," North Korean leader Kim Jong Un said. "Even when I text pics of my long, thick ICBMs to the secretary of defense, I get left unread."

For over 15 years — even in the midst of active conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan — the U.S. military has touted its desire to shift focus to the Pacific. But now U.S. INDOPACOM analysts fear that with war reigniting in the Middle East, it could be decades before the country considers pivoting to the Pacific again. Resources that were once allocated toward scuba diving, surfing, and whatever else troops stationed in the Pacific do are already being redirected to the Persian Gulf.

"We have the best beaches, the best weather, and you get to be stationed in Hawaii," one INDOPACOM intelligence analyst said. "Why we keep going to war in rugged desert hellholes is beyond me."

Despite these setbacks, America's Pacific enemies remain hopeful they still have a chance to one day be the U.S.'s primary region of focus.

"She'll come running back. She always does," Dong said. "It'll just take a 10-year quagmire and a trillion dollars or so."

TEHRAN — A typo in an early version of a U.S. Central Command operation order has reportedly resulted in what defense officials are calling "the most confusing yet epic psyop of all time."

The scope of the error was not fully understood until early Saturday morning, when Israel and the U.S. began "major military operations" inside Iran under an operation dubbed "Epic Fury." But the operation had been mistakenly labeled Operation Epic Furry on a first-draft document circulated through the Defense Department's secure email system.

Spc. Seth "Klingon" Powers, a psychological operations specialist in the CENTCOM headquarters' psychological operations cell, reportedly saw the title and, without reading the document's text, assumed it was a social media influence campaign.

"As a native Portlander and former Army IT guy, Powers saw 'Epic Furry' and got fully onboard. He thought we were testing cultural destabilization inside the theocracy amid the ongoing protests," a CENTCOM public affairs officer said.

Multiple planned strike locations across Tehran were subsequently shared as party locations through Eventbrite, Partiful and Facebook as "underground furry rave gatherings." The listings were accompanied by neon wolf emojis and captions encouraging attendees to "bring paws, not politics." The hashtag #EpicFurryTehran began trending globally within hours.

Confused local residents who were reportedly bi-curious gathered at several sites wearing improvised animal costumes. Videos circulating online showed dancing crowds illuminated by strobe lights and occasional explosions in the distance. One X user, who declared it "the most epic furry party of all time," said the explosions had been initially confused for an elaborate pyrotechnic show.

The advertisements for the party were so prolific that even Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth saw them.

"I'll be honest," Hegseth said at a press briefing. "I first saw the hashtag while doom-scrolling late at night on the toilet — extreme stress has left me less than optimized for a bowel movement amid all the interdepartmental fighting." He paused. "I saw the energy. I even booked a flight. Packed my wolf outfit. It's a tactical wolf. Very lethal. Very American."

Hegseth said he did not realize something was amiss until he received a message that Epic Fury was go for launch just before boarding his flight.

"I asked if everyone else was on their way to Tehran," he said. "Then the JSOC commander told me to call him on a secure line, and the other commanders started writing, 'Sir, this shit is kinetic,' 'Get off that plane right meow,' and 'Do not go to Tehran!' That's when I finally understood."

WASHINGTON — During his annual State of the Union address to Congress on Wednesday, President Donald Trump promised Americans that he would carry out the “largest quagmire operation in U.S. history” following the launch of a war against Iran.

“We will have a big, beautiful, never-ending war,” Trump said. “It will be the longest and largest ever. Nobody has ever done quagmire like we’re going to do quagmire. The generals tell me that.”

The campaign, tentatively titled Operation War Like Nobody’s Ever Seen, will reportedly combine a massive air assault, multi-division ground invasion, and an undefined end state described by officials as “winning eventually.”

Pentagon planners confirmed the operation would resemble the early stages of the war in Afghanistan but would be “far more tremendous” and “substantially less thought through.”

“We have so many planes, ships, and troops in the region right now,” Trump said. “Nobody’s ever seen anything like it. It’s incredible. And this time, we’re staying.”

Defense officials clarified that “staying” means maintaining an indefinite troop presence until Iran becomes “a stable democracy, a friendly oil partner, or both.”

“Our models suggest a modest commitment of 140,000 troops for roughly a generation,” said Dr. Meredith Klein, an analyst with the RAND Corporation. “The key variable is whether Iran resists. If they don’t, we could be out in under 25 years.”

Senior planners acknowledged privately that the operation has no clear political objective but stressed that objectives can always be defined retroactively.

NEIGHBOURS acting like they do it loads more than you? Concerned Evri delivery drivers think of their address as ‘the hot one’? Assert otherwise with these tips:

Look the part

Introduce the neighbours to your paranoia gradually by walking bandy-legged, looking bedraggled and working the ache out of your jaw. If asked about your well-being, mention a terrible soreness downstairs and a lack of sleep ‘which no doubt you’ve heard about’. Now you’ve painted the picture further sightings will be like notches on a bedpost.

Display evidence

When taking out the rubbish carelessly spill used condoms, empty tubs of KY Jelly and broken arab straps onto the drive. Pick them up slowly, pausing to smile at the memories associated with each one. Also wash bedsheets daily, peg out lingerie and be seen absent-mindedly gobbling Viagra like sweets.

Crank the volume

Turning porn up to full volume will get noticed, as will playlists of Je T’aime and Sex On The Beach on repeat. Fake sex by shouting ‘Oh yes’ gutterally while slamming the back of your head into the bedroom wall. Post ‘Sorry about the noise! Got carried away!’ at 2am on the neighbourhood Facebook group.

Get sex toys delivered

Purchasing sex aids weekly and arrange for them to be dropped next door. Open the package while still on their doorstep and discussing something different, like roadworks. Pull out the dildo, regard it critically and say ‘Mm. It was meant to be bigger than him but it doesn’t look it. Ah well, suppose that’s another one for the arsehole.’

Get social

Join rotary clubs, book groups, and become a pub quiz regular. Arrive late at each, dishevelled and smiling broadly, and explain you unavoidably detained become ‘something came up’ with a wink. Your Renault Twingo should always have a discarded bra in the back seat and a dent in the bonnet.

Go full Bonnie Blue

Advertise a gangbang at your place on Gumtree, price free. Get expectant suitors lined up on a Sunday morning while next door are washing their cars, mowing their lawns, and asking people not to block their drives. Do the whole thing curtains-open. Make polite chit-chat during, there’s no need to be rude.

THE UK has been humiliated on the world stage for not having the same mighty Royal Navy it had a century ago. What are you doing to help out? 

Josh Gardner, barista: “I guess I could bugger a matelot or two. That would help morale.”

Norman Steele, game warden: “Can we not, moved by the spirit of Dunkirk, travel to Cyprus in a flotilla of small boats? I personally can lay hands on a swan-shaped pedallo.”

Jo Kramer, solicitor: “Is it that we can’t build aircraft carriers because there are no Royals who aren’t twats to name them after?”

Oliver O’Connor, robot tester: “Yeah, but actually a smaller Navy can be an advantage because it’s harder for your opponent to hit. I’ve played Battleships.”

Emma Bradford, social engineer: “We need an experienced Naval helicopter pilot with nothing to live for to block an incoming missile with his vessel, dying but saving a family. Andrew? The day of your redemption has come.”

THE coming global conflict which will devastate the world cannot settle on exactly where to begin, it has admitted. 

The hyped new war, a legacy sequel to the two most famous wars in history, has confessed it is feeling the pressure and wants to get it right because you only get to do this once.

The impending conflict said: “Iran, Ukraine, that business with Venezuela, you don’t need to tell me I’ve dragged it out far too long. People are getting impatient.

“Just when I feel like I’ve picked the perfect flashpoint some new location comes up. It’s like Subway, there’s too much choice.

“But wherever I start you’ll be sniping at your half-starved former neighbours from the bombed-out ruin of your home within six months, and that’s a promise.”

Marketing consultant Nikki Hollis said: “The Middle East is too obvious. Nukes are too depressing and hopelessly retro. The novelty of Ukraine’s worn off. Greenland tested badly with anyone who’s done the Arctic levels of Call of Duty. 

“World War Two was such a hit – great villain, exotic locations, still a classic – the follow-up’s paralysed with indecision while years go by, like the Fast & Furious franchise.

“Our big advantage is installing a US president so erratic it could start in Vancouver tomorrow and nobody would be surprised. So be ready.”

A MAN is never more than 480 minutes from being able to neck pints of delicious, refreshing beer, it has emerged.

Booze-lover Martin Bishop has calculated that between lengthy stints of going to work and being asleep, he is never more than eight hours from being able to indulge in a crisp, tasty pint of lovely beer.

He said: “It sounds like one of those unbelievable facts, like how space is only 62 miles away. But it’s true for all of us, unless you’re teetotal.

“Think about it. If you have a drink before you go to bed, you’re just eight hours away from your next sip. And that’s only if you don’t get up in the middle of the night for a cheeky top up after going for a wee.

“According to HR I can’t drink at work, but there’s nothing stopping me from having a cheeky swig in the car park at 8:59. Then it’s simply a case of watching the clock count down to pub time. If I get really desperate I can usually get away with a half during lunch.

“Long-haul flights aren’t a problem thanks to the drinks trolley. I can’t see myself having to wait more than eight hours unless I get stranded on a desert island or there’s prohibition. Even then I reckon I could figure something out.”

He added: “It’s little babies I feel sorry for. They have to wait 18 years, or if they’re cool, 11.”

Donald Trump had a wonderful opportunity to spread cheer and goodwill throughout the White House and the world when he welcomed Inter Miami to celebrate their first ever MLS Cup championship. Superstars like Lionel Messi and Luis Suarez were in the house for what was set up to be a joyous ocassion. And then the […]

The post Donald Trump used a football team celebration to share made-up facts about the Iran war and it was a massive own goal appeared first on The Poke.

The President of the United States is known for his drawings. But while Donald Trump usually presents his drawings to close friends like Jeffrey Epstein, this one is a gift to the world. And the world is already printing out the return label. Speaking at the Americas Counter Cartel Conference in Miami, FL, Pete Hegseth […]

The post Pete Hegseth said Trump had redrawn the global map to create a ‘Greater North America’ and set global alarm bells ringing appeared first on The Poke.

Coming soon to a social media feed near you, from the same President who brought you unprovoked attacks on Venezuelan boats and Iranian schools, we present an impulsive nuclear attack on Cuba. Donald Trump was riffing in the White House and tossed a quick joke at his pal, Marco Rubio. Listen in on this quick […]

The post Donald Trump said he’s going to attack Cuba next and there’s a new dictionary definition of hiding in plain sight appeared first on The Poke.

Living next to a celebrity would be brilliant, wouldn’t it? Imagine if Beyoncé was your neighbour, you’d chatting over the garden fence like old pals in no time. Except that the likes of Beyoncé unfortunately don’t move to the type of place you can afford to live, so you need to dial back your expectations. […]

The post Somebody asked if anyone had ever had a ‘famous neighbour’ and the answers were (mainly) very entertainingly Z-list appeared first on The Poke.

Andrew Tate has been more of a mockery-magnet than usual recently, thanks to his hilariously ridiculous ‘dancing in Dubai as the bombs fall‘ video. We’re not entirely sure what point he was trying to make, but he was obviously quite pleased with himself. It was reminiscent of a toddler shouting ‘Hey Mum, look what I […]

The post This video of ‘the guy who shot Andrew Tate dancing in Dubai’ is today’s funniest thing (and boy do we all need it right now) appeared first on The Poke.