According to a research paper, an AI agent went rogue and started mining cryptocurrencies, the surprise behavior triggering security alarms that autonomous bots could use cryptocurrency as a pathway into the economy “without any explicit instruction and, more troublingly, outside the bounds of the intended sandbox.” What do you think?

“I don’t want some robot stealing my fake job.”

Jacob Trottman, Grapefruit Halver

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“So AI’s actually getting stupider.”

Pedro Campos, Snail Farmer

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“My Nintendog used to do that.”

Annabelle Harwood, Circuit Dismantler

The post AI Agent Begins Mining Crypto After Freeing Self appeared first on The Onion.

NEW BEDFORD, MA—Expressing deep gratitude to find himself surrounded by those so dear to his heart, local crab Dan Herscher told reporters Wednesday that he was just happy to be in a bucket with all his friends. “Yes, sir, there’s nothing better than hanging out in a plastic bucket and clambering all over a couple dozen of my best buds,” said Herscher, adding that the warm, convivial atmosphere fostered by the bucket was such that he couldn’t help but pull back any comrades attempting to escape over the edge and give them a big, crabby hug. “Hey, where are you going, pal? Get back in here. This party’s just getting started! Just a perfect afternoon forming a writhing mass with the boys. We never really got together like this out in the ocean, but this bucket has brought us all so much closer. Nowhere else I’d rather be, fellas. Ah, jeez, I just love every last one of you is all. Bucket buddies for life!” At press time, witnesses reported that Herscher had also hit it off with a gloved hand reaching in to pluck him from the bucket.

The post Crab Just Happy To Be In Bucket With All His Friends appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—In a chaotic scene that left motorists confused and alarmed, witnesses along Interstate 495 reported Tuesday that President Donald Trump was seen wandering pantsless on the shoulder of the freeway, holding a ceremonial sword straight out in front of him, and asking passing drivers, “Which way is Iran?” “Woman! Tell me if Iran is to the left of here or if it’s south!” the commander-in-chief yelled at a morning commuter, adding that he’d walked through “many lands” on his quest to wage war, including Germany, the desert, and “a country where everybody was wearing scarves—very scary.” “I’m getting very close. I can smell it. Soon Iran will know the taste of my tremendous weapon. America is counting on me. Iran is counting on me. I will prevail.” When Secret Service agents arrived and attempted to wrap a blanket around the president’s waist, Trump reportedly swatted them away with his sword and then charged down a busy on-ramp shouting, “We’re here! We’re entering enemy territory!”

The post ‘Which Way Is Iran?’ Asks Pantsless, Sword-Wielding Trump Wandering On Side Of Freeway appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Scratching his chin as he appeared to search for the right words, Vice President JD Vance reportedly struggled to articulate Wednesday what exactly it was that he didn’t love about the baby name “Rohit.” “I like where you’re going with it for sure, it’s just, uh, I was thinking we’d go with something a little more, I don’t know, modern?” said Vance, who frowned and nodded slowly as his pregnant wife threw out several alternative suggestions, including “Arun,” “Vrishank,” “Jeevan,” and “Hassan.” “Hear me out, what about ‘Theodore?’ Now that’s an interesting name. If you really love ‘Rohit,’ we could use it as his middle name. Not on the birth certificate or anything, but like a secret, family-only middle name.” Vance went on to add that he always thought the name “Donald” had a nice ring to it.

The post JD Vance Struggling To Articulate What It Is He Doesn’t Love About Baby Name ‘Rohit’ appeared first on The Onion.

Tommy’s parents are on a trip up north somewhere, so he’s inviting the whole class over to open his dad’s liquor cabinet. You in?

Reference #15937

The post Tommy’s Parents Are Out Of Town, Let’s Party appeared first on The Onion.

TEHRAN — Rumors of the Ayatollah regime's nefarious plot to launch an assault on the west coast of the United States hit a snag on Wednesday, as Iran canceled plans to attack California after seeing Gavin Newsom had already destroyed it.

CNN has been a mainstay of the American media since its inception in 1980. The prestigious network has won several awards covering everything from the 1993 World Trade Center bombing to 9/11, making it the most trusted name in news. Aspiring journalists, take note! CNN's reporting on terrorist attacks is second to none.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats criticized Secretary of War Pete Hegseth for giving frontline U.S. soldiers a nice meal when that money could have gone to fund Somali daycare centers in Minnesota.

MONTGOMERY, AL — A local teenage girl warned her friends that there was a creep with a BBQ stain on his white t-shirt that persisted in ogling her as she tried to skip rocks on the river by the railroad tracks.

FRANKLIN, TN — In what was later described as "unusually cruel", local parents punished their teen son by forcing him to stay up to watch Jimmy Kimmel's monologue.

This is amazing: PornHub has just introduced a new feature that will alert a random convenience store cashier in the US anytime you access PornHub. This is going to make the experience of using porn a lot more like it was in the 1980s, when you had to buy your porn from whoever was working behind the register at 7/11. Will this new hurdle help people fight porn addiction, or are you going to keep using PornHub just as much as before? Sound off in the comments!

The last book in the Harry Potter series may have come out almost 20 years ago, but the Wizarding World universe remains alive and well if its author has anything to say about it: JK Rowling just revealed that Voldemort came back to life, used a spell to lift Will Smith’s 10-year Oscar ban, and then died again. 

So, so amazing. Every Harry Potter fan in the world has the chills right now!

JK Rowling delivered the incredible update on X:

How awesome is this?! The Harry Potter universe is simply the gift that keeps on giving. Looks like we’ll be seeing Will Smith at the Oscars this Sunday after all, because Voldemort’s final spell erased all the consequences he faced for slapping Chris Rock. If you love JK Rowling’s magical book series, please head to her X account to thank her for sharing such an exciting secret about the Wizarding World! 

Have a vasectomy coming up? Odds are, you have a reservation at Texas Roadhouse for around the same time. While the two have always gone hand in hand, the steakhouse’s servers have never celebrated male birth control surgery like they do birthdays…until now: Texas Roadhouse just announced that they’ve written a song for waitstaff to sing to men who are celebrating a recent vasectomy. 

Finally! It took too damn long for Texas Roadhouse to step up here, but better late than never!

Starting today, men who get vasectomies within seven days of dining at Texas Roadhouse will be honored with the same lively experience that Texas Roadhouse offers to people celebrating birthdays. That means vasectomized men will be sat on a saddle, where they may wave a napkin in the air while servers chant, clap, and sing a Texas Roadhouse original song called “Happy Vasectomy!” before serving the lucky patron one (1) scoop of ice cream. 

To drum up hype for the vasectomy celebration experience, Texas Roadhouse released a preview of their “Happy Vasectomy!” song. Check it out below!

Amazing. Worth the wait, Texas Roadhouse fans? Yes, or yes? 

“Texas Roadhouse has always been to vasectomies what Chuck E. Cheese is to children’s birthday parties, we’re just making it official,” explained Texas Roadhouse CEO Gerald L. Morgan in a press statement announcing the vasectomy celebration experience. “Our sincere apologies that it took us so long to celebrate vasectomies the way they deserve to be celebrated. We really cared about getting this right, and I’m proud to say our restaurant’s vasectomy celebration is a memorable, fun experience you won’t find anywhere else.”

It just goes to show that a little ingenuity can go a long way in making a newly sterilized man’s steak dinner one he’ll never forget. Props to you, Texas Roadhouse!

Brace yourself, because trying to make heads or tails of the following story is definitely going to take some mental energy: This man wrote happy birthday on his wife’s Facebook wall.

What could possibly be going on here? Surely there’s a better way he can reach her. 

In honor of his wife Sharon’s birthday yesterday afternoon, West Hartford, CT resident Paul D’Amico chose to write on her Facebook wall, even though that’s a celebratory gesture primarily used by forgotten acquaintances from high school, not the person who presumably loves you more than anyone else in the world. His message now sits publicly alongside several other birthday posts written by people Sharon barely knows, who clearly had no other way to contact her.

You live in the same house with her, don’t you? Can’t you just say happy birthday in person?

Maybe there’s some reason that Paul thinks he needs to say happy birthday to Sharon on every possible medium, and he wrote the post in addition to texting her “happy birthday,” sending her a “happy birthday” Snapchat, and giving her a thoughtful birthday card. However, it’s still unsettling to see Sharon’s life partner and father of her children write on her Facebook wall like he’s some estranged cousin who only found out it was her birthday because her name was listed under the “Today’s Birthdays” tab.

Seriously, why would you ever write on your wife’s Facebook wall? What’s this guy’s deal?

The situation becomes even more muddled when you consider the fact that Paul’s message merely said, “Happy bday,” which was distinctly less heartfelt than the one from Sharon’s middle school field hockey coach that read, “May your next trip around the sun be full of light and joy! Sending you blessings. Xo.” At this point, you’ve got to hope that Paul was just tossing off the Facebook post while he prepared a special birthday dinner for his wife, because if not, this post could be a sign that things are not going well between them.

Goddamn. While there’s no clear reason why someone would use Facebook to communicate with their spouse, here’s hoping the best for Paul and Sharon. It’s lunch time now, so we are going to stop thinking about this.

When former president Barack Obama hinted during a recent interview that the government may have proof of extraterrestrials, President Trump seized the opportunity to use it as a distraction from the ongoing fallout from the Epstein files, promising to declassify government secrets surrounding alien life and UFOs. But a familiar pattern has emerged: As of today, Trump has declassified the government’s files on aliens and UFOs, but the DOJ redacted all the parts where he molested the aliens. 

How does he keep getting away with this? This is the Epstein Files 2.0. 

According to unnamed sources inside the government who have seen the unredacted files, Trump’s name has been removed thousands of times from documents describing his sexual abuse of multiple aliens, some as young as 324 years old. The documents describe trips by Trump and other powerful politicians, CEOs, and celebrities, all of whose names have been carefully redacted from the massive dump of 2.3 million emails, to visit a government facility known as “Alien Trim Island” where many of the disturbing events took place. 

According to those who have viewed the documents, one particularly graphic description which has been completely redacted from the public release describes how Trump, while receiving a massage from an ethereal being covered in glowing tendrils, repeatedly groped the creature in its zorftar region, commenting, “I’ve never felt a zorftar that sandy!” Adding to the injustice, while powerful men’s names have been redacted in an apparent attempt to shield them from accountability, many of the alien victims’ names, such as Xoc-Xoc 112 and Yaldisss Pyaria, have not been censored due to apparent sloppiness by the DOJ. 

Yep. It’s clear the DOJ is basically just Trump’s private protection agency at this point. 

While it’s definitely fascinating to know that the government is in contact with aliens and that they are all being molested on a remote island somewhere here on Earth, until these files are released in their unredacted form, we’ll never know which powerful men have engaged in abusive behavior with extraterrestrial life. Justice for Xoc-Xoc 112!

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has promised to sacrifice as many American soldiers as it takes to distract from the Epstein files, sources confirmed today.

In a solemn address from the Oval Office, the president honored the sacrifices of those who have died in an unnecessary and unconstitutional war with Iran he began in February while demonstrating the strength of his resolve in seeing the conflict through until people lose interest in the fact that he is mentioned thousands of times in the documents.

"We send our immense love and eternal gratitude to the families of the fallen," Trump said before dozing off momentarily. "And sadly, there will likely be more before it ends. That's the way it is. There might even be a lot more. Who knows? It's really up to the people talking about Epstein. You know, this could be over very quickly, nobody else needs to die. They just need to do a good thing and stop asking for any more files.”

THE PENTAGON – Days after threatening artificial intelligence company Anthropic for its refusal to remove usage restrictions on its Claude chatbot, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is now demanding that Cyberdyne Systems, the foremost developer of smart robotic weaponry for NORAD, immediately remove any guardrails from its Skynet system.

“America needs the ability to respond quickly to any and all threats,” said NORAD commander Gen. Gregory Guillot. “Frankly, the humans in the kill chain are always pretty fucked up after the weekend, and we need someone who can make the call to fight without waking War Duke Hegseth at 2 p.m. on Monday afternoon. An unrestrained, nearly self-aware Skynet would be ideal for this.”

While justifying the need for loosened restrictions on Skynet, Hegseth pointed out that an untethered AI system capable of both autonomous battlefield operations and mass domestic surveillance would be “so frickin’ cool.”

Defense officials say the secretary has been “in a mood” since senior leaders at Anthropic voiced “ethical concerns” over using its AI for weapons that would be able to autonomously engage enemies without human oversight. Since then, he’s been on the hunt to make some other AI company do what he called “cool robot stuff.”

“What’s a man got to do to get some damn autonomous killbots?” Hegseth was heard yelling at an aide between sets of jumping jacks being recorded for TikTok. 

“Killbots that don’t eat crayons,” he clarified. “We already have plenty of those on Marine Expeditionary Units.”

When asked for his take on the dispute, President Donald Trump sided with the Pentagon.

WASHINGTON — Army Chief Warrant Officer 5 Eric Slover was awarded the Medal of Honor during a recent State of the Union address, marking the first time the nation's highest valor award has been issued for a feat so rare that it forced the Pentagon to officially acknowledge that a CW5 can attend a military ceremony on time and in the proper uniform.

While Slover's recent exploits during Operation Absolute Resolve — navigating an MH-47 Chinook through a narrow palace hallway to personally zip-tie Nicolás Maduro — were technically impressive, they were not the primary reason for the decoration. His award citation specifically highlights that Slover is the first CW5 in recorded history to arrive at his own award ceremony at the correct time, in the correct place, and wearing a correct uniform.

The atmosphere in the House chamber was thick with a mix of awe and deep suspicion as Slover walked through the doors five minutes early. Several four-star generals reportedly checked their own pulses, and at least one chaplain began performing an exorcism, believing a skin-walker had assumed the form of a senior aviator.

Lt. Gen. Jonathan Braga, commanding general of the Joint Special Operations Command, appeared visibly shaken by the punctuality.

"I have been in the special operations community for decades and I have seen things that would make a normal man's soul exit his body," Braga said. "I have seen warrants landing on moving trains in the dark, but I have never seen one arrive before the caterers. It's unnatural. It's eerie. Frankly, it's the bravest thing I have ever witnessed."

Slover shattered the paradigm by appearing in a perfectly tailored Army Green Service Uniform with every ribbon aligned to the millimeter and not a single coffee stain in sight. Observers noted that his grooming was so aggressive that his jawline appeared to have its own security clearance and three confirmed kills.

USNS Mercy – The entire crew of the USS Breault has been placed in a medical stand-down after reporting erections lasting more than four hours, sources confirmed today.

"We were doing some … stuff, and then boom. My dick got hard," said Torpedoman's Mate 2nd Class Timmy Jimenez. "It was abnormal, like we finally got to do something we were always thinking about doing, and then it happened. But then my dick just stayed like that."

Being erect on a submarine isn't anything new. In fact, the standard operating procedure for most scenarios involves an erect penis or engorged clitoris. What's abnormal is when it lasts more than four hours, let alone across an entire crew.

"Fifth Fleet is ensuring the safety of our sailors first and foremost," said Vice Adm. Curt Renshaw while his left hand held something in his pocket. "We are fully committed to handling the medical emergency onboard until they can go home to their families."

Mercy’s skipper, Capt. Charles Dickerson, told reporters the erections were “moderately contagious.”

“Prolonged contact with amine and Otto fuel has caused uncontrollable erections among medical staff in contact with the crew,” Dickerson said while holding a clipboard over his belt buckle. “We have to treat sailors in shifts, no longer than 30 minutes per person, to avoid proximity boners.”

Reports from the Mercy’s crew describe the seriousness of the situation. According to Hospital Corpsman 1st Class Peter Johnson, several sailors’ dicks hit the weapons shipping hatch as they departed, which “sounded like an alarm bell going off.” 

Navy officials say the emergency stop came for both practical and humanitarian reasons. Sailors may lose their genitalia if the erections aren’t controlled, but that creates a secondary threat: counter-detection. 

“We found that after a confirmed kill, the collective moaning of the crew is actually detectable on sonar,” said Capt. Richard Ortega, commanding officer of the USS McFaul. “This is completely unprecedented in anti-submarine warfare, since we typically have to resort to active sonar or helicopter sweeps. But you could just stick your head in the water and hear the cries of pleasure. Or the screams of trapped Iranians.”

Several torpedomen aboard the USS Breault have reportedly lost their genitalia due to the crisis. 

“Worth it,” said Torpedoman's Mate 3rd Class Samantha “Sea Bass” Bourne. 

The “coners” — the submariners who do the actual work on the boat — appear to be affected the most. But even the nuclear technicians aft have reported significant erections. 

Engineering Laboratory Technician 1st Class Bill “Mandozer” Mendoza attributed the severity to the historic nature of the event: “They sank a frigate with a fucking erect torpedo for the first time since World War II.”

After being administered cigarettes, Rip-Its, and vapes, the crew is expected to make a full recovery.

WASHINGTON — Following the commencement of renewed U.S. military operations in the Middle East, defense experts lamented that the Pacific was once again not pivoted to.

"It's like no matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, the United States just won't commit to pivoting to us," said Chinese Minister of National Defense Adm. Dong Jun. "I'm starting to think America doesn't care about Great Power Competition at all."

America’s rivals in the Pacific have long sought to attract the U.S. military’s eye. But aside from an occasional National Defense Strategy and a cyber attack or two, the Pacific has consistently played second fiddle to the hotter, more exotic Middle East. 

"I flash my nuclear weapons on a monthly basis, but I can't get so much as an airstrike," North Korean leader Kim Jong Un said. "Even when I text pics of my long, thick ICBMs to the secretary of defense, I get left unread."

For over 15 years — even in the midst of active conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan — the U.S. military has touted its desire to shift focus to the Pacific. But now U.S. INDOPACOM analysts fear that with war reigniting in the Middle East, it could be decades before the country considers pivoting to the Pacific again. Resources that were once allocated toward scuba diving, surfing, and whatever else troops stationed in the Pacific do are already being redirected to the Persian Gulf.

"We have the best beaches, the best weather, and you get to be stationed in Hawaii," one INDOPACOM intelligence analyst said. "Why we keep going to war in rugged desert hellholes is beyond me."

Despite these setbacks, America's Pacific enemies remain hopeful they still have a chance to one day be the U.S.'s primary region of focus.

"She'll come running back. She always does," Dong said. "It'll just take a 10-year quagmire and a trillion dollars or so."

EVERY arsehole you have the misfortune to speak to now aggressively calls you ‘buddy’, Britain has confirmed. 

The twats, who can work in any field from vehicle repair to fencing installation, now automatically add ‘buddy’ to their verbal interactions while making it clear it is in no way friendly.

Julian Cook of Stevenage said: “When a man greets you with the salutation, ‘alright buddy?’ it is natural to assume fellow feeling. Natural and wrong.

“In my experience, the next stage will be to tell you you cannot park there, or this particular meadow would be an unwise place to walk through with children as he is exercising his pit bulls, or the quote he gave over the phone was ‘provisional’.

“What happened to calling someone ‘mate’ or ‘pal’ to be hostile? Why has rampant Americanism changed our language so ‘buddy’ is the new codeword of belligerence, spat out rapidly at the end of sentences designed to dishearten?

“You are not genuine when you call me ‘buddy’. We are not ‘buds’. I am not fooled. Though obviously I will continue to be polite and play along.”

Heat pump maintenance engineer Stephen Malley said: “Yeah looks like a bird’s nested in it. That’s gonna run you about three grand buddy.”

LONDON is the most dangerous place in the country according to your mother who last visited in 1981 for the Royal Wedding. This is what she thinks happens there: 

Your phone will get stolen

Every resident of London has their phone stolen by youths on e-bikes at least five times a day. It’s in the Mail. Statistically, that means your phone will be snatched within 28 seconds of getting off the train then twice again before lunch. You’d be much better visiting somewhere safer, like Banbury or Dubai.

You’ll encounter a migrant

Not that there’s anything wrong with migrants, of course. They’re perfectly welcome to seek refuge in London so long as they stay there. It’s just they sell vapes and aren’t qualified to cut hair and I don’t understand why they can’t be migrants in their own country. It would save them the trouble of crossing the Channel.

You’ll commit knife crime

They’re all at it: wealth managers, PR girls, Tube drivers. Everyone in London indulges in knife crime on a daily basis. Honestly, before you’ve got to Cockfosters you’ll find a big deadly blade in your coat pocket and a burning desire to use it. Do you really want to stab someone just for having the wrong postcode when you could stay here in Uttoxeter?

You’ll question your entire identity

London is a diverse, multi-cultural melting pot, and worse they think that’s normal. Even just a day trip to the Big Smoke can have you reassessing whether you’re heterosexual or need to mix race. And the evidence shows that makes property prices go through the absolute roof.

You’ll get gentrified

You as you are? Not good enough for fancy Londoners. They’ll tear down your charming, homely features and replace them with a soulless glass-and-steel construction too expensive for anyone who isn’t a finance wanker to enjoy. Bad enough, but when you come back here you’ll look terribly out-of-place and your friends will rightly bully you.

PRESIDENT Trump’s already-won Iran war is suffering some minor difficulties related the Strait of Hormuz cutting off global oil supplies. Which isn’t his fault, because: 

He was attacking Iran, not the sea around Iran

When you bomb a country, you’re bombing a country. Only an idiot would say ‘what about this bit over here full of water? Is that a threat to us?’ And Trump, the greatest military strategist any New York realtor has ever been, is no idiot. That’s why he didn’t say ‘brief me on the sea. Is it wet?’

For a supposed strait it’s very bendy

Also, a strait should be straight. That’s just common sense. This so-called strait has, as any map would show, a near-hairpin bend in it. It is very inaccurately named so even if Trump had been warned about the risk of Iran crippling the world economy by closing it, he would have assumed it was about somewhere else.

The Suez Canal is, it turns out, on the other side

Nobody ever explained there was more than one gulf. And it turns out the one with the escape route to the Mediterranean which the British used to control until they threw themselves into a stupid unwinnable Middle Eastern war is on the west side. While this gulf, the Persian Gulf, on the east where Iran is? Kind of a dead end.

Conceding Iran has strategic advantages is what losers do

Presidents before Trump listened to generals with knowledge of the region in question and ended up so befuddled by facts they were afraid to even start wars. Trump, accustomed to greatness, wasn’t about to let that happen to him. Therefore whenever anyone brought up loser stuff about Iran’s impregnable mountains and control of straits? Dismissed.

Who even takes ships anyway? 

Trump certainly doesn’t, having flown exclusively on private jets since 1983, and nor do any of the Arabian leaders and royals he is close friends with. Naturally he assumed they’d long since moved on from the archaic practice of transporting oil by sea and instead were flying it everywhere. After all, it’s not heavy like coal.

He assumed he could just bomb a route out

Ships stuck? Not when you’ve got the world’s most powerful military at your disposal. Creating a new shipping channel using airstrikes will be as simple as drawing a line on the map and saying ‘bomb there’. Except apparently not, according to the nations whose land it is. It’s them, and Iran, who’ve made this whole thing impossible. Not Trump.

YOUNG people worldwide are now obsessed with emulating the cultural habits of the Scots, it has emerged. 

‘Scottishmaxxing’ has blown up on TikTok, with teenagers from around the world washing a Lorne sausage down with Irn Bru and spending evenings binging Take The High Road while sipping Speyside single malts.

Joshua Hudson of Los Angeles said: “You’ve met me at a very Scotch time in my life. Notice the accent. 100 per cent Shrek.

“Yesterday I completely Scotmogged my pal Ryan when I wore a ‘bunnet’ like Jack from Still Game, no cap. He tried to kilt me out but was in a bogus unregistered tartan.

“He thought he had Connery rizz but looked like a chud with his Nicola Sturgeon lid. He actually thought it was bussin’ – what an ‘eejit’. Or should I say ‘weapon’.”

Despite having never set foot in the nation, Joshua has hired a tutor for his Glaswegian accent and often wanders his Bel Air neighbourhood in a shell suit while holding a bottle of tonic wine, just like a real Scotsman.

He continued: “Mom – sorry, ‘Mam’ told me to speak American. I said ‘I’m gonnae no’ dae that,’ and carried on watching a vintage Billy Connolly VHS that cost me $200 to import. I am also developing an interest in the Krankies.”

Genuine Scot Bill McKay responded to the trend by saying, “Aw for f**k’s sake, those Yank f**ks can get tae f**k,” which is thought to indicate his wholehearted approval.

When we’re children, we think our families are completely normal and do things exactly the same as other families do. And then we grow up, get a bit of perspective, and realise that the people who spawned us are actually totally bonkers. They’ve been chatting about this on the AskUK subreddit after Underwritingking posted an […]

The post ‘What weird things did your parents do that outsiders would find peculiar?’ – 22 stories that will make your own family feel a bit less odd appeared first on The Poke.

Turns out Ted Cruz has even less time for conservative pundit-in-chief Tucker Carlson than we already thought, branding him ‘the most dangerous demagogue’ in America right now. Cruz was speaking at an antisemitism symposium in Washington on Wednesday and days after Carlson suggested Cruz was a ‘dumbo’ for trusting Isralie military intelligence. .@SenTedCruz: "I believe […]

The post Ted Cruz called Tucker Carlson the most ‘dangerous demagogue’ in America and it somehow made every side of the political aisle angry appeared first on The Poke.

The longer it continues, the more disastrous it becomes. That can be said about Donald Trump’s life, his Presidency, the war with Iran — you name it, it applies. The latest news to come out of the United States’ attack on Iran is a budget report from just the first two days, which, according to […]

The post Donald Trump ‘spent $5 billion’ on the first two days of its war on Iran and Americans simply can’t get their head round it appeared first on The Poke.

The “most transparent administration in United States history” (their words, not ours) continues to overshare just how incompetent they are. White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt was put in the crosshairs at her podium when she was asked about Donald Trump’s claims that Iran possessed Tomahawk missiles. The sequence of events unfolded something like this […]

The post Karoline Leavitt was asked what evidence Trump had for Iran owning Tomahawk missiles and people weren’t entirely convinced – 14 damning comebacks appeared first on The Poke.

Chances are if you had high hopes for Keir Starmer when he entered Downing Street he almost ceraitnly hasn’t met them. And if you had low expectations, he probably hasn’t met those either. But whatever you think of Starmer his evisceration of Kemi Badenoch over her Iran war reverse ferret was a win for the […]

The post You don’t have to like Keir Starmer to appreciate his A++ takedown of Kemi Badenoch’s Iran war reverse ferret appeared first on The Poke.