U.S. Circuit Judge Pauline Newman, the oldest active federal judge at 98 years old, asked the Supreme Court to step in after being suspended by colleagues over concerns about her mental acuity. What do you think?

“As long as she can swing a gavel, she’s fit for the job in my book.”

Lois Hackett, Windshield Installer

---

“Believing SCOTUS will help you is all the proof of cognitive decline that I need.”

Warren Lawton, Dog Scolder

---

“My grandma got the Supreme Court involved when we tried to get her to install a shower seat.”

Tiago Hernandez, Dietary Historian

The post 98-Year-Old Federal Judge Appeals Suspension For Mental Fitness appeared first on The Onion.

MILWAUKEE—Dashing his hopes of taking on the new opportunity, local job applicant Mark McCarthy was reportedly informed by email Wednesday that the role of pig boy had already been filled. “While we appreciate your obvious skill at eating up slop and rolling around in the mud on your fat, pink belly, we have moved forward with another candidate,” the message read in part, noting that the company would be sure to keep McCarthy’s resume on file in the event it again needed someone to stick his hoggish snout in the dirt and snort around for truffles while being pelted with crab apples. “Unfortunately, the job market is very competitive at the moment, and we received applications from over 100 oinking, garbage-munching porksters. We wish you the best of luck in your continued effort to jostle alongside a dozen other porcine losers to eat from a trough while a higher-up shouts, ‘Sooey, sooey!'” Reached for comment, McCarthy acknowledged that he would probably need to spend a few years volunteering as a pig boy before he would be able to receive payment for the role.

The post Job Applicant Informed Role Of Pig Boy Has Been Filled  appeared first on The Onion.

While leading OpenAI, Sam Altman has weathered leaked internal memos, an attempt to oust him as CEO, and widespread skepticism about artificial intelligence’s role in society. The Onion sat down with the entrepreneur to hear his vision for the technology’s future.

The Onion: Good morning, Sam. How are you doing today?
Altman: Certainly! Here are some possible moods that an interviewee might be in on a typical day: — 1) Glad — Happy to be here, 2) Tired — Did not get enough sleep last night, 3) Excited — Looking forward to the interview. Is there anything else I can help you with?

You recently struck a deal with the U.S. Defense Department to deploy AI models on their classified network. What kind of ethical safeguards have been implemented?
They will not be allowed to use the Studio Ghibli filter on prisoners of war.

AI is advancing very quickly. How can you keep it from getting out of control?
That’s more of a two-years-ago question.

What do you tell people concerned about generative AI’s heavy use of natural resources?
Quit breathing my data centers’ air.

And what about those worried their job will be displaced by AI?
Whether by a computer or a Chinese person, your job was always going to be displaced.

What purpose will humans serve once AI dominates every aspect of our lives?
Humans have and always will be important for watching ads.

You had a baby last year. Does that influence your thinking at all?
Of course. It is another source of blood for the computer.

What informs your personal sense of morality?
Previous things I’ve gotten away with.

Why did you decide to devote your life to AI?
I just saw so much suffering in the world that needed to be automated.

In a recent interview, you said AI would one day be better at running a major company than you are. What would you do with your life, if that ever happened?
Simple—I’d just go live out in the country somewhere, plagiarizing the land.

Where do you see yourself in five years?
Trapped in a simulacrum of my own making, howling to a god who does not exist, robbed of death’s sweet release by my own hubristic decision to permanently transcribe my consciousness into the cloud.

Do you have any concluding thoughts on AI with which you’d like to leave us?
Maximum conversation length exceeded.

The post The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Sam Altman appeared first on The Onion.

THE HEAVENS—Expressing frustration with the sky-rise apartment complex going up right outside His celestial home, God Almighty, Supreme Leader of the Universe, confirmed Wednesday that He was angry about the new construction blocking His view of creation. “I worked hard to have a Heavenly Kingdom from which I can gaze down upon all the beasts of the earth and the birds of the sky, but now I’ve got this giant orange crane obstructing almost everything,” said the Lord, adding that when He sat upon His holy throne, the entire Amazon Rainforest was obscured behind the scaffolding that had been erected for what is estimated to be paradise’s largest building project in nearly 6,000 years. “And by the time they finish putting up these bullshit condos, it won’t just be the breathtaking splendor I can’t see anymore. I won’t even have a view of places like Antarctica, the deserts, the ocean’s dead zones, or Wichita, KS. It’ll just be these dumb luxury apartments. Not to mention the cherubim and seraphim can’t sleep with all the endless drilling and jackhammering going on up here.” God went on to state that the massive new multiunit dwellings would bring down property values on every gold-paved street in heaven.

The post God Angry After New Construction Blocks View Of Creation appeared first on The Onion.

The post Sabrina Carpenter Sends Especially Hot Concertgoer To Fuzzy Pink Electric Chair appeared first on The Onion.

TEHRAN — Following the latest round of U.S. and Israeli airstrikes in the country, Kevin, the janitor at the Office of the Supreme Leader, was officially recognized as now being the most senior military official left in Iran.

The hottest job on the market right now is being the Iranian Ayatollah, but why is everyone suddenly buzzing about it? Here are just eight of the most incredible perks that come with being the new Supreme Leader:

PYONGYANG — History was made once again in the small but proud nation of North Korea, as longtime leader Kim Jong-Un's political party claimed victory by winning over the populace with his trademark charisma, experience, and ability to shoot you in the face if you don't vote for him.

NEW YORK CITY — Joe Kent has resigned from the Trump administration despite the fact that doing so will lead to him being invited on a podcast tour and getting a six-figure book deal.

DAYTON, OH — Five-year-old Liam Montgomery held a press conference for friends and family this week in which he announced he would be switching his obsessive interest in backhoes to an obsessive interest in dinosaurs.

If you’ve always dreaded being on jury duty because you were worried your judge wouldn’t be able to easily remove your tampon for you from his bench, you’re in luck: Tampax has introduced a tampon with a string long enough for them to do just that! 

Did somebody say GAME CHANGER?!

Tampax’s new Jury Duty line solves a problem that has plagued women since they were universally allowed to sit on juries in 1973: that way-too-short string that makes it practically impossible for the judge to tug your tampon out from all the way up at the bench. Tampax’s new Jury Duty tamps come in 40-foot, 70-foot, and 130-foot string options to choose from depending on the size of your courtroom, each with plenty of slack for the judge to really wrap that puppy around their hand and give that bad boy a yank and send it on its way. 

And they aren’t just for judges either! These strings are long enough that the bailiff, the stenographer, or even the defendant can take your tampon out for you so you can continue to focus on providing a fair trial.

Yep. All it’s going to take to get your tampon removed now during jury duty is a knowing nod and a clear path between you and the judge. This is so, so nice. 

This is one of those products that, when it comes out, you’re shocked that no one thought of it before. There’s almost no reason to buy standard, run-of-the-mill tampons anymore. Sign us up for a Costco bulk box of the 130-foot string version, please!

If your friends live like pigs but are awesome to hang out with, we’ve got great news for you: Hanes has released a line of socks that are already covered in dog hair and little pieces of cereal that you can wear to your friend’s lowkey disgusting house.

Awesome! 

A true tragedy of modern life is that the people who are the most fun to chill with often live like slobs, and so, whenever you’re hanging at their place, your socks get immediately covered with all sorts of crap that barely even comes off when you wash them.  Fortunately, with Disgustings by Hanes, the company’s newest line of socks, you’ll never have to worry about ruining your clean socks ever again, because the socks will come pre-littered with strands of dog hair, gross little burnt crumbs from indecipherable foods, and little pieces of torn paper and envelopes (probably from unpaid bills).

“It’s never made any sense to us why people whose homes are full of trash insist you have to take off your shoes when you visit their house, and yet, that’s just what they do, even though it destroys your nice socks in the process,” said Hanes in a press release. “With our new Disgusting line, you’ll never have to waste time cleaning vague gunk from your tube socks, because your tube socks were already covered in gunk to begin with.”

So much yes!

Shout out to Hanes for seriously changing the game with this one. Tag your disgusting friend below to let them know you’ll be wearing these socks to their house soon!

There’s toxic masculinity, and then there’s this: 

This man’s body has a penis and testicles hanging right off of it. 

This is NOT a good look. 

Devin Reed of Cambridge, Massachusetts might as well be waving a flag that says “I’M TOXIC” on it, because he’s got a penis and testicles that are dangling right down off of his body in the place between his legs where his vagina or small patch of nothing is supposed to be. 

When he’s in public, he tries to hide them with underwear. He tries to hide them with pants. He puts a towel in his lap whenever he gets an erection. 

But none of those things can hide the truth. 

He’s got a penis, and he’s got testicles, and they are DIRECTLY attached to his body, which makes it pretty clear he doesn’t see any problem with having them.

And they are ALWAYS flopping around. 

This man has a wrinkly, hairy scrotum that is FILLED with two egg-sized testicles and a penis, glans and all, draped down over them. We can only imagine what kind of SPERM, URINE, and other toxic male chemicals and waste products are inside of these awful organs. 

YUCK. 

There is simply no room for this kind of thing in today’s society. Full stop. 

But do you want to know the worst part?

There are men (and even women) out there who will applaud this. Celebrate it. Admire it. Young boys will see these penis and testicles and think, “I want those hanging off my body too.” Toxic masculinity is like a virus, and once you’ve got the bug, things like having a penis and testicles RIGHT THERE BETWEEN YOUR LEGS become normalized. 

It’s the media. It’s our culture. It’s pornography. It’s anatomy textbooks. 

But no matter how much you’ve been conditioned, remember: This is NOT normal. 

And this is not OK.

This is amazing: PornHub has just introduced a new feature that will alert a random convenience store cashier in the US anytime you access PornHub. This is going to make the experience of using porn a lot more like it was in the 1980s, when you had to buy your porn from whoever was working behind the register at 7/11. Will this new hurdle help people fight porn addiction, or are you going to keep using PornHub just as much as before? Sound off in the comments!

ARLINGTON, Va. — A local man who says he is “closely monitoring the rapidly evolving situation in Iran” admitted that his analysis largely consists of scrolling through videos posted by attractive Middle Eastern influencers celebrating the death of Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, sources confirmed today.

“I’m just trying to stay informed,” said Kyle McDonough after watching the same dance video of smoking-hot Persian influencer and PhD student Mooné Rahimi for the 37th time while insisting he is keeping tabs on everything happening in and around Iran.

McDonough said his geopolitical interest began after a video appeared in his feed starring influencer Goldie Ghamari.

“She was explaining the historical significance of the moment,” said McDonough a former defense contractor-turned-amateur open source intelligence analyst, replaying the video again. “Also she winked and said ‘freedom for Iran,’ which I think has major implications for regional stability.”

“That wink was for me," he added.

Since then, McDonough told reporters that he's been using LiveUAMap to get real-time updates on the war and definitely not endlessly scrolling through viral thirst trap videos on Instagram Reels and TikTok.

Meanwhile, friends say McDonough has spent the past several days forwarding videos of glamorous Iranian influencers to group chats with captions such as “Important update from Tehran.” He has also expanded his research to include popular “Women of the Israel Defense Force” social media accounts.

“These accounts provide critical regional context,” McDonough explained while watching a video of Israeli OnlyFans model Gal Gool in which she claims to have personally eliminated the Iranian Supreme Leader with what she called “two Israeli missiles" on her chest.

Some Middle East experts believe Western men may be radicalized by the growing influence of online “ji-hotties,” an alliance of Instagram models and TikTokers from Iran, Israel, and the Kurdish Women’s Protection Units. Some fear the content may radicalize Western men into becoming simps and passport bros.

MAR-A-LAGO — The White House announced Monday that President Donald Trump will be awarded the Medal of Honor after becoming the only person in America to successfully locate a Chief Warrant Officer 5.

“I’m no Trump fan,” said military historian Joshua Delano, “but you must give credit where credit is due. I’ve gone through archival records and couldn’t find a single instance where an Army warrant officer has been successfully summoned to a formal ceremony. This is groundbreaking. Entire thesis papers will be written about this at the War College.”

Known as highly specialized technical experts who exist somewhere between enlisted non-commissioned officers and commissioned officers, warrant officers have long been known for their deep love of rich black coffee and a legendary ability to disappear without a trace, often not being seen or heard from for days or weeks at a time.

Warrant officers are particularly known for their natural aversion to all things ceremonial. Defense officials say they instinctively vanish when confronted with promotion ceremonies, change-of-command ceremonies, morning accountability formations, or anything related to physical training. Even more perplexing, many warrant officers appear to be in excellent physical condition despite there being no eyewitness accounts of them actually exerting themselves.

When they are present in the workplace, warrant officers are known for a skill many have likened to a Jedi mind trick — the ability to be present, perform no visible work, yet still receive accolades for their technical expertise. A senior defense official called the phenomenon “mystifying.”

MIDDLE EAST — After a squad of irregular Iranian fighters breached the perimeter of his base in the region, Marine Cpl. Brian McVeigh heroically dove on a grenade to save the Dow Jones Industrial Average from falling below 50,000, sources confirmed today.

“As Marines, this is what we train for,” Marine Corps Commandant Gen. Eric Smith said. “You never know when you might have to put your life on the line to protect quarterly corporate earning reports.”

Squad mates said they heard McVeigh yell “Thirteen percent year-over-year growth!” just before he flung his battered body onto the high explosive in a last-ditch effort to shield the benchmark index. 

“McVeigh always said it was about the 401(k) returns of the guy to your left and right,” his platoon sergeant, Staff Sgt. Nicholas Romero, said. “If I had known he was brave enough to live up to his words, I would have maxed out my Thrift Savings Plan years ago.”

Unfortunately for McVeigh, his unit had no internet access for over a week due to operational security concerns, and the Dow had fallen far below 50,000 days before he risked life and limb to preserve it. But even the threat of short-term portfolio losses wouldn’t temper his courage, his comrades said.

“I don’t think he would have done it any differently if he had known,” Romero said. “That’s just the kind of Marine he is. Always thinking about the markets.”

McVeigh was severely wounded by the blast but survived. Initial indications from leadership are that he likely will not receive a Purple Heart or Combat Action Ribbon because “it’s not a war, just a limited combat operation.”

“Marines don’t do it for the medals, we do it for love of the game,” Smith said. “I just wish he could have done it a few months ago before I lost a shitload of money on Oracle call options.”

At press time, the Department of Veterans Affairs had decided McVeigh would not be awarded a disability rating because the eye and three limbs he lost were determined not to be service-connected. 

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has promised to sacrifice as many American soldiers as it takes to distract from the Epstein files, sources confirmed today.

In a solemn address from the Oval Office, the president honored the sacrifices of those who have died in an unnecessary and unconstitutional war with Iran he began in February while demonstrating the strength of his resolve in seeing the conflict through until people lose interest in the fact that he is mentioned thousands of times in the documents.

"We send our immense love and eternal gratitude to the families of the fallen," Trump said before dozing off momentarily. "And sadly, there will likely be more before it ends. That's the way it is. There might even be a lot more. Who knows? It's really up to the people talking about Epstein. You know, this could be over very quickly, nobody else needs to die. They just need to do a good thing and stop asking for any more files.”

THE PENTAGON – Days after threatening artificial intelligence company Anthropic for its refusal to remove usage restrictions on its Claude chatbot, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is now demanding that Cyberdyne Systems, the foremost developer of smart robotic weaponry for NORAD, immediately remove any guardrails from its Skynet system.

“America needs the ability to respond quickly to any and all threats,” said NORAD commander Gen. Gregory Guillot. “Frankly, the humans in the kill chain are always pretty fucked up after the weekend, and we need someone who can make the call to fight without waking War Duke Hegseth at 2 p.m. on Monday afternoon. An unrestrained, nearly self-aware Skynet would be ideal for this.”

While justifying the need for loosened restrictions on Skynet, Hegseth pointed out that an untethered AI system capable of both autonomous battlefield operations and mass domestic surveillance would be “so frickin’ cool.”

Defense officials say the secretary has been “in a mood” since senior leaders at Anthropic voiced “ethical concerns” over using its AI for weapons that would be able to autonomously engage enemies without human oversight. Since then, he’s been on the hunt to make some other AI company do what he called “cool robot stuff.”

“What’s a man got to do to get some damn autonomous killbots?” Hegseth was heard yelling at an aide between sets of jumping jacks being recorded for TikTok. 

“Killbots that don’t eat crayons,” he clarified. “We already have plenty of those on Marine Expeditionary Units.”

When asked for his take on the dispute, President Donald Trump sided with the Pentagon.

THE new 2,689-mile King Charles III coastal path takes walkers through many of the country’s most exquisite areas of severe deprivation. Tour these today: 

Sellafield, Cumbria

Just inland is the gorgeous and perpetually rain-shrouded Lake District, but why go there when you can stroll slowly past the UK’s centre for nuclear waste management and decommissioning? This 650-acre concrete crescendo holds 140 tonnes of plutonium and far, far more of radioactive sludge. Take selfies!

Grimsby, Lincolnshire

The ‘grim’ is there for a reason, just as a different word lies within neighbouring Scunthorpe. First entered a long period of decline in the 15th century, then was hit by the Luftwaffe, then the Common Fisheries Policy. Consequently holds the second-most deprived ward in the UK, is Britain’s worklessness capital, and voted in a Reform mayor.

Bognor Regis, Sussex

Travel west from the lights and liberalism of Brighton and soon you’re in Bognor, a location which boasts the full trifecta: low employment, crime and addiction. Famously disparaged by King George V, make sure to note the shaven-headed young men on the seafront drinking white cider at 9am. How tempting walking into the sea never to return has become!

Middlesbrough, North Yorks

Seeing bombed refineries in Iran and thinking ‘I wish I could visit somewhere so thrillingly industrial’? Strolling this section of the path will bless you with more heavy industry and post-manufacturing decline than you could ever wish for, and the locals are as hostile as any Islamic regime you could name. Truly you’ll be glad to reach Sunderland.

Morecambe, Lancashire

Once a tourist attraction, Morecambe has reversed polarity to become a tourist repeller. The pier went into the sea, Noel Edmonds’s World of Crinkley Bottom closed after the Blobbygate scandal, and the sea is either three miles of muddy sand away or coming at you terrifyingly fast. An Eden project is being built here, in a fine show of irony.

Land’s End, Cornwall

Home to possibly Britain’s most grasping theme park, Britain’s most expensive car park and a sign saying it’s Land’s End you have to pay to take your photograph next to, Land’s End is truly not worth the trouble. And now you’ve got hundreds of miles to walk back to the good bits of Britain which are inland near rivers. Get going!

A MOTHER is gripped by a new live-action reality show which she is binge-watching via the streaming service of her kitchen window.

Mary Fisher could not get into Made in Chelsea or The Only Way is Essex, but has found herself riveted to the squabbles about trellises and hanging baskets that drop every day in her neighbour’s back garden.

She said: “I missed the first few seasons but the plot’s easy enough to pick up. And thanks to the second-screen-friendly dialogue I can even scroll on my phone at the same time.

“Basically, it’s about this suburban middle-class family who are coming to terms with their pointless existence via horticulture. Not only is it unmissable, there are no ads.

“It’s impossible to only watch one episode. Just when I’m about to see what’s on the telly, the conversation switches from the ivy that needs trimming to their daughter’s bulimia. I can’t walk away from a cliffhanger like that.

“The only downside is that nobody else watches it, so I can’t talk to anyone about the plot twists. I’m trying to get my friend Helen to give it a go by saying it’s like Ground Force meets Bridgerton.”

Neighbour Kelly Howard said: “Mary’s obsessive viewing habits are disturbing. But we are nicking her WiFi and using her Disney+ account, so it’s a fair trade.”

CHERYL Tweedy fans want her to date Michael B Jordan after they flirted in a viral clip, because we own them, they are ours and they should shag if we want it. Especially these: 

Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves

They both had crushes on each other while filming Speed in 1993, so what’s the problem? Yes, Keanu is in a long-term relationship, but they owe their careers to the fans so the fans can control their lives. Once Sandra and Keanu decide to finally show some gratitude they can have the wedding on a bus.

Michael B Jordan and Cheryl Tweedy

Meeting briefly on The Graham Norton Show years ago and Cheryl finding attractive actor Michael attractive is definitely a solid basis for a relationship. They have nothing in common, but that will just prolong the lovely ‘finding out about each other’ phase of their relationship. Imagine Michael’s excitement when he has his first Newcastle munchie box.

David Schwimmer and Jennifer Aniston

The fact that these two aren’t together is an insult to Friends fans. Obviously they’re not really Ross and Rachel, but they could be if they just remember to keep telling jokes while they’re talking to each other. And a sex tape of them with Jennifer in her Leia bikini would be a great bonus feature for the next Friends anniversary special.

Harry Styles and Taylor Swift

A romance some fans wish could be rekindled. They’re both pop stars and they’ve had sex before, so getting back together should be easy, ironically. People will forget about Travis in no time. Is it odd to still be thinking about a brief celebrity fling from 2012? Not if you’re an obsessive fan who can say ‘Haylor’ without feeling like a twat.

Timothée Chalamet and Zendaya

Audiences were gripped by them finding love on the desert planet Arrakis, so they should do it in real-life. Is this blurring fact and fiction in a way that’s actually a bit deranged? No. MJ’s partner Spider-Man needs to do the right thing and let her be with Muad’Dib.

Florence Pugh and Andrew Garfield

Fans felt this duo should be going out after their incredible chemistry in We Live in Time. The fact that they’ve shown absolutely no interest in a relationship is irrelevant. They should force themselves to love each other and go public immediately. Then he should immediately start an affair with the fans’ other favourite, Amelia Dimoldenberg.

Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio

Jack and Rose together in real life would make diehard Titanic fans explode with joy. Yes, their lives have moved on a touch since 1997, but with a few life changes Kate and Leo could start dating, if they can overcome the notorious relationship obstacle of being the same age.

NIGEL Farage is the second most popular presenter of personal messages in Britain, beaten only by Jay from The Inbetweeners. What did he say in yours? 

Steve Malley, bricklayer: “I asked him to say the Yorkshire Ripper was misunderstood, and he threw in the Suffolk Strangler and the Crossbow Cannibal for no extra charge! Top man.”

Donna Sheridan, kettle descaler: “It was my dad’s birthday so we requested a Bigotagram mixing together several familiar prejudices with some thrilling new ones, and we weren’t disappointed! Who knew that all Namibians should be castrated because they carry the gene for dwarfism?”

Julian Cook, campaign manager: “My request was for a message outlining Reform’s policy regarding the deficit and how debt would be paid down by his government. Cost me £79 but I’m his campaign manager and it’s the only way I can get hold of the grifting prick.”

James Bates, horologist: “Yeah, don’t ask him to say he supports democracy or an independent judiciary. I got blacklisted.”

Josh Gardner, landscaper: “I wanted a message of support for Trump’s war on Iran, and he not only said he’d commit all UK forces to it, he then turned around and said we’d take no part in the war and Trump was on his own! Top man.

ONLYFANS star Bonnie Blue is allegedly pregnant, but who will come forward to claim paternity? Find out if it’s you: 

How did you meet Bonnie Blue?

A) On the apps. I can’t believe we matched. Judging by all the sexy pics on her profile I thought she’d be really picky.
B) I queued up with hundreds of other men in a warehouse for a very brief physical interaction. It was the most female contact I’ve ever had.

When did this happen?

A) A couple of months ago. Things didn’t work out between us, but I admit I’ve thought about texting to see if she’s up for trying again.
B) On January 12th, 2025. You can see the clips of it on social media. She might be pregnant from then, I don’t know how pregnancy works, I’m a man.

Did you have sex?

A) No comment. Bonnie seemed a shy, private woman who would not want the sordid details of her personal life splashed across the internet. But yes.
B) Eventually, after standing in line for two hours behind all the other sweaty blokes. When she finally said ‘next’? The hottest sexual experience of my life.

Which positions did you do?

A) Standard missionary. I didn’t want to try anything too extreme and scare her off with my greater experience.
B) What’s it called where you awkwardly hump someone for half a minute as the ring light bounces off their dead eyes? That one.

Did you wear a condom?

A) Of course. Bonnie is a sweet, innocent woman, whereas I have a body count of five. Rolling one on was a basic courtesy.
B) No, I’ve heard you can’t feel anything. Also it’s the woman’s responsibility. Also I don’t know how to put one on.

ANSWERS

Mostly As: The dates line up and condoms are only 98 per cent effective, so you’re likely to have sired Bonnie Jr. Don’t be scared though. Fatherhood might seem intimidating, but explaining mum’s career choices to your child will be really rewarding too.

Mostly Bs: Impossible to tell. You might have unwisely busted inside Bonnie Blue without any protection, but so did hundreds of others. Avoid uploading your DNA anywhere and for f**k’s sake stop telling everyone.

There still hasn’t been a satisfying conclusion to Nigel Farage being accused of racist and anti-semitic behaviour towards school contemporaries in the 1970s. While the Reform leader’s supporters cry about the unfairness of holding him accountable for things he did almost 50 years ago, he has, at various times, downplayed the comments, suggested they don’t […]

The post Nigel Farage’s racist rhetoric about ‘brilliant young minds’ being replaced with ‘goat herders from Afghanistan’ spoke volumes about the man, and so did the takedowns – 17 of the best appeared first on The Poke.

It appears to have fallen to JD Vance to try to persuade Americans that Donald Trump’s war on Iran isn’t the absolute shitshow that everyone knows it is. Quite apart from all the death and destruction the chaos that Trump has unleashed has also led to soaring gas prices in the US and around the […]

The post JD Vance tried to find the upside in America’s soaring gas prices and absolutely no-one was buying it appeared first on The Poke.

Piers Morgan is no stranger to walking off his own show, as no-one who saw him strop off Good Morning Britain back in the day will need reminding. Now he’s gone and done it again but in even more spectaclar style. Because this time he was flouting off his own YouTube show which meant there […]

The post Piers Morgan just stormed off his own YouTube show and of all the A++ responses this one surely nailed it best appeared first on The Poke.

Speaking from the point of view of someone who might occasionally mistake a young fox for a large cat if the lighting isn’t great, it’s hard to imagine living in a place where you might encounter actual coyotes. That’s the situation in which TikTokker @gabbyygonz finds herself, which is how she ended up posting this […]

The post This TikTokker’s baffling ‘dog or coyote?’ confusion was funny, but the hilarious responses will really set your tails wagging appeared first on The Poke.

We’ve recently featured the US Secretary of State, Marco Rubio, sporting a pair of ridiculously oversized shoes which were bought for him by Boss Donny, who had just randomly guessed the appropriate shoe size for him. Well, now it’s time to point the spotlight on the footwear of FBI Director, Kash Patel, who can’t use […]

The post Kash Patel’s customised Punisher-themed trainers will make you green with envy (if you’re a 6-year-old boy) appeared first on The Poke.